The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

I am supposed to start FET #1 on CD1. The good news? I am spotting and full flow is close. The very bad news? Our tax return has not arrived yet. The problem? We planned on using our return to pay the balance due on our FET & clinic won't let me start Estrace until I am paid in full. Things are tight right now with Sean just starting a new job and the return is the only way we can swing this cycle for time being.

I am trying to hold out hope that the $ will arrive before full flow, but it is not looking good. The state tax website is not showing us in the system yet and says that the average wait time is 4 weeks and we are only two and half weeks in. I am very disappointed.

I am torn between borrowing the money from my mom or just sucking it up and waiting for my April cycle. Waiting another 4 weeks is not the end of the world, but I already lost a month in December when I messed up my BCP, got AF early and could not start mock cycle because I was out of town and it was Christmas Eve. My mom would lend us the money, but she already made some horribly cliche comment about how maybe it was meant to be this way and maybe I should take it as an additional opportunity to continue losing weight. I know she didn't mean to sound insensitive and that she was kind of only echoing what I have been saying about my own weight loss, but jeezey peezy! I am down 16.2lbs and was hoping to be down 20 before transfer and I still think that is possible even if I do begin my FET this week. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

If we decide to wait, I think we all know how this will go down - $ will arrive 2 days after full flow and then some crazy cash emergency will arise and I will have to use the FET $ for that instead and I will be stuck in waiting-to-cycle-hell! Ugh!

Possibly the ugliest part of it all is that I have had the worst PMS ever. I seriously felt like I was on PIO - sore boobs, super bloated, tired, cravings, the whole nine yards. I am sure you can deduce all the crazy things that have been running through my mind. I know it is the Year of Hope and all, but I was off the deep end; I was teetering on the edge of the Year of Delusions!

For now, I wait & hope that full flow stays at bay and Uncle Sam comes through with a last minute Hail Mary...