BUFFALO!
I have been leading you on for weeks about a big life change, but I haven't been quite ready to put it out there. I think my title kind of gives it away, but first, a little background...
Sean & I were both born & raised in Buffalo, NY and our entire family is up there. I came to MD in 1997 for college and we stayed. In 2003, we decided we would like to move back to Buffalo. We were getting married in August of 2004 and hoped to move by then. Sean's CEO agreed and the plan was for Sean to telecommute and eventually open his own branch of the company in the area. We decided to build our dream home 3 miles from my parents. We absolutely loved being back and could not have been happier - God, I loved that house. We had been in our home for just 6 months, when Sean was offered a promotion that was just too good to pass over. We put the house on the market & packed up and moved back to Maryland. The promotion wasn't what it was supposed to be and Sean was really unhappy and frustrated for awhile. He even left the company for a little while to pursue opening his own business. Ultimately, the current economy dictated that it just was not a good time for risky ventures and Sean returned to his old company in a new capacity. While he has been happier, we have never been able to shake the feeling that we should be back in Buffalo.
With all that said, we have decided that the time has come to leave Maryland and move home once more. We no longer own a home here and in some ways it is the perfect time to do it. Although taxes are high in NY, cost of living is much lower than it is here in MD. Housing is so much more affordable and being close to family is priceless. Sean's Dad's cancer diagnosis this summer really got the wheels turning for both of us. We know that when we have children, we want them to grow up close to their grandparents & extended family. We have a HUGE family waiting for us and we feel like we miss out on so much. Although we try to get home as often as possible, it is still not the same & travelling over the holidays is stressful!
We are not moving any time soon. In fact, it is more of a 1-2 year plan. We have decided on a price range for a home and are saving aggressively for a down payment. We are also putting extra money away in the event that this FET is a bust and we need to do IVF #4. We have really buckled down and are cutting back where ever and when ever we can.
Sean has communicated to his CEO that moving back to Buffalo is the plan and he is 100% supportive of that and even commented that it was a mistake for him to have ever asked us to give it up in the first place. Sean will remain with the company and work from home. I have not told the family that I tutor for yet, because it may be a non-issue. Robert graduates from high school next June and Michaella will be in 10th grade and has never needed the level of support that Robert has. Although I love my job and the kids are like family to me, it is not a reason to stay here. In this age of technology, there is nothing to say that I could not work with Michaella via chat if I had to; I certainly know the curriculum well by this point. I think the family will be supportive.
We have not told our families yet and probably won't for a little while. We would like to be able to tell them in person and also have a clearer time line in place. We still need to figure out which towns and neighborhoods are most appealing to us. Our families have been through so much with us, we want to tell them in person and be able to have concrete details to share.
So, that my friends, is my big news! It is a little scary to being doing this all over again, but I know in my heart it is the right thing for us and our families. I am glad it is not happening immediately though. I want the time to save and plan and figure things out. It will be here soon enough! Thank you for all your support and positive thoughts over the past few weeks! As always, it means a great deal to me!
In IF news, my endo biopsy results are in and they are normal! Pretty much what I expected, although it is always nice to have answers. Now we are back at square one. They did recheck my prolactin and now it is a little low -only 2- it should be over 3. It went from too high to too low. Dr. P had me stop the meds and will recheck it in 3 weeks. I hate taking meds that I don't have too, so that is fine with me. Today is cycle day 1, but we decided not to do my FET. I am going to take this month off, keeping losing weight and give my body a break from the meds. I should start my FET right around St. Patrick's Day - may the luck o' the Irish be with us!
Showing posts with label plan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plan. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, December 5, 2008
Decisions, Decisions...
After many tears, a great deal of soul searching, and many conversations with each other, friends and family, I *think* we have come to some conclusions about what our next steps might be.
We are very lucky to have 6 frozen embryos from our 1st two cycles. For whatever reason, our old clinic did things kind of backwards and if you had any good looking embryos on day 3, they froze them with the thinking that they can be grown to blast when they are thawed. Here is what we have in the freezer: (scale 1-4 with 4 being the best)
1 @ 10 cell grade 3+
1 @ 9 cell grade 3+
1 @ 8 cell grade 3+ - fragmented
1 @ 8 cell grade 3+
1 @ 7 cell grade 3+
1 @ 6 cell grade 3+
Not bad, right? So, we are going back to our old clinic where these embryos were created and have a consult on 12/17. Our ideal plan (which has been proposed by my docs before) is to thaw all 6, hopefully get a few to grow to blast and transfer the best ones. We have no guarantees that anything will make it to blast at all, but we feel strongly about giving these embryos a chance to grow and thrive. I feel great that some of these embies are from the batch that created a blast or two from the crappiest among them.I also learned they can be refrozen if they look good! FCOM's FET success rates for 2007 were 42%, which is certainly enough to be hopeful about!
Now, I know this plan is not perfect. I know we run the risk of wasting time, energy and resources on something that may never work, but isn't that true of all ART cycles? I am not convinced that there aren't possible immune issues, chromosome issues and maybe even a lab issue, but I am willing to give it a shot regardless. What if it is none of the above? What if it has just been bad luck? What if I am one of those people whose body hates stims, but does much better with an FET?
We feel committed to using these embryos that we created. If it works, not regrets, obviously. If it doesn't, no regrets then either because we will still have options and even more answers.
For now, phone consults with CCRM and SIRM have been postponed indefinitely. If this FET is a bust, we will take that step, but for now, we are trying to muster the energy to give this FET the best shot possible. Honestly, another fresh cycle with all the anxiety and stress that accompanies it, is not appealing to me at all right now. It is not easy and I am not ready for that. I wouldn't cycle again locally and traveling for one day work ups and for almost 2 weeks for stims and ER adds a whole other element of stress to the mix and I want to be 100% sure of my decisions before taking that on. I need to walk through this door first and see where it leads me...
I know I mentioned the possibility of FET with PGD and I think that is off the table for now, unless our dr. feels strongly about it. That is money we don't want to have to spend and would rather hold onto if CCRM or SIRM end up being in the cards. We also decided not to move the embryos to Shady Grove. We think that it is a little risky to move them and they were created at FCOM and did really well in their lab, so why take a chance. Besides missing my polyp, I was very happy with my care at FCOM and to be honest, if feels a little like coming home.
We are not in a big rush, it has been a long year. We may opt for January or February for an FET. We are going to *try* to enjoy the holidays as much as we can handle and try to rest and heal. I am still having a tough time, I am feeling very raw and emotional and broken. I do best when I have a plan though and we are well on our way to one!
In other news, you should head on over to my dear friend, Jill's blog , and celebrate with her! She FINALLY got a BFP on IVF #3! Go wish her congratulations.
We are very lucky to have 6 frozen embryos from our 1st two cycles. For whatever reason, our old clinic did things kind of backwards and if you had any good looking embryos on day 3, they froze them with the thinking that they can be grown to blast when they are thawed. Here is what we have in the freezer: (scale 1-4 with 4 being the best)
1 @ 10 cell grade 3+
1 @ 9 cell grade 3+
1 @ 8 cell grade 3+ - fragmented
1 @ 8 cell grade 3+
1 @ 7 cell grade 3+
1 @ 6 cell grade 3+
Not bad, right? So, we are going back to our old clinic where these embryos were created and have a consult on 12/17. Our ideal plan (which has been proposed by my docs before) is to thaw all 6, hopefully get a few to grow to blast and transfer the best ones. We have no guarantees that anything will make it to blast at all, but we feel strongly about giving these embryos a chance to grow and thrive. I feel great that some of these embies are from the batch that created a blast or two from the crappiest among them.I also learned they can be refrozen if they look good! FCOM's FET success rates for 2007 were 42%, which is certainly enough to be hopeful about!
Now, I know this plan is not perfect. I know we run the risk of wasting time, energy and resources on something that may never work, but isn't that true of all ART cycles? I am not convinced that there aren't possible immune issues, chromosome issues and maybe even a lab issue, but I am willing to give it a shot regardless. What if it is none of the above? What if it has just been bad luck? What if I am one of those people whose body hates stims, but does much better with an FET?
We feel committed to using these embryos that we created. If it works, not regrets, obviously. If it doesn't, no regrets then either because we will still have options and even more answers.
For now, phone consults with CCRM and SIRM have been postponed indefinitely. If this FET is a bust, we will take that step, but for now, we are trying to muster the energy to give this FET the best shot possible. Honestly, another fresh cycle with all the anxiety and stress that accompanies it, is not appealing to me at all right now. It is not easy and I am not ready for that. I wouldn't cycle again locally and traveling for one day work ups and for almost 2 weeks for stims and ER adds a whole other element of stress to the mix and I want to be 100% sure of my decisions before taking that on. I need to walk through this door first and see where it leads me...
I know I mentioned the possibility of FET with PGD and I think that is off the table for now, unless our dr. feels strongly about it. That is money we don't want to have to spend and would rather hold onto if CCRM or SIRM end up being in the cards. We also decided not to move the embryos to Shady Grove. We think that it is a little risky to move them and they were created at FCOM and did really well in their lab, so why take a chance. Besides missing my polyp, I was very happy with my care at FCOM and to be honest, if feels a little like coming home.
We are not in a big rush, it has been a long year. We may opt for January or February for an FET. We are going to *try* to enjoy the holidays as much as we can handle and try to rest and heal. I am still having a tough time, I am feeling very raw and emotional and broken. I do best when I have a plan though and we are well on our way to one!
In other news, you should head on over to my dear friend, Jill's blog , and celebrate with her! She FINALLY got a BFP on IVF #3! Go wish her congratulations.
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