The Big Reveal

Today is a day I will remember forever. I saw my sweet, little baby's heart beating for the first time and it was an amazing site to see.

I was so anxious going in to my appt. and my clinic never makes you wait long and of course this morning we waited FOREVER! At one point Sean joked that he was going to hit the lights and get started without Dr. P. This made me crack up!

Dr. P finally came in and we got started. I am not sure I was even breathing. He turned the monitor towards him and right away he said, "It's good news! We have a heartbeat! There's only one!" Then, he turned the monitor towards us so we could take it all in. The baby is soooooo small, just a 1/2 cm, but the flicker of the heartbeat was very clear. Sean & I just stared in awe at the screen. Dr. P did not see anything that he thinks would have caused the bleeding, but did say I have a pocket of old blood that I could likely pass. At least I can be on the look out now.

After the u/s, Dr. P had us meet with him in his office where he told us the baby is measuring right on. He confirmed our EDD as Christmas Eve, said he was cautiously optimistic for a positive outcome, thanked us for helping his statistics :), gave us a few instructions and told us we would be "graduating" to our OB today. No more appts at the clinic. This caught me TOTALLY off guard. I definitely need to plan a visit in the next few weeks to see the girls that were off today and bring everyone a token of our appreciation.

Sean & I are both overjoyed, but I do have to say that neither one of had the big outpouring of emotion that I thought we would have. We were both very quiet during the u/s and during our meeting with Dr. P. We went out to lunch afterwards and we talked about how there is still a lot of unknown and leaving the security of the clinic has us feeling a little unsettled. They really cared for us and handled us with kid gloves and I just do not have that relationship with my OB. I know seeing a heartbeat is a huge milestone and I am overwhelmed by all my emotions right now. We were both a little sad that Jack & Diane did not hang in there together and yet relieved that we will not face the risks of a multiple pregnancy at this point. As my mom said, we can always work up to that :)

So, without further ado, I present Baby Saucy or "Ralphie" if you prefer!

Now I need to start working on a new blog title!!!

2009: The Year of Change?!?!

You know that saying, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" ?Yeah, well that might be the best way to sum up the past week.

Just when I thought 2009 was going to be a boring year, we have a big shake up in our household. This past week has brought about some major changes and it has taken us a little by surprise. My last post about moving back to Buffalo? Well, it may not be happening any time soon, but that's okay.

First, let me start with the beginning of the week. As I think I have mentioned, we have been in the market for a new car for almost a month now. We were thinking used SUV. We looked and looked and looked and were having a really tough time. We are super picky and type-A about things & that is a really annoying way to be when you are making large purchases. We weren't even considering new SUVs because this purchase was all about getting into a larger vehicle at a great price. Well, thanks to the craptastic economy and the stimulus bill, there are some great deals out there on new cars & our amazing salesman was able to get us into a NEW SUV for right around what we were going to spend on a used one. We were pleasantly surprised and after 4 weeks & many bad experiences, we drove off the lot in a brand spankin' new Fo.rd Esc.ape Limited! It is a little smaller of a truck than we were looking at originally, but the gas mileage is unreal - 28 miles to the gallon- & that was super appealing. It also had many of the features we were hoping for. At the end of the day, it is more than large enough for the 2 of us and the 4 wheel drive will come in very handy when driving up to Buffalo. Realistically, we could even get away with 2 little ones and have enough space. So, that was the beginning of our good news for the week.

In my last post about moving back to Buffalo, I alluded to the fact that things haven't always been perfect at Sean's company, but they have always been flexible about us moving back to Buffalo and they were open to taking Sean back after he left to open his own business - you take the good with the bad I guess. Recently though, despite the refi boom, things have been slooooooowwww & no sign of improvement on the horizon - so more bad than good. Sean is always networking & keeping his feelers out there and late last week an old friend spoke to him about an opportunity at a local brokerage. Sean called and an interview was arranged. We discussed it & decided Sean would at least go on the interview - nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? He had an interview on Wednesday & he felt that it went very well.

On Thursday afternoon, they called and made him a formal offer! We had already decided if they made an offer, we would accept. So, it's official! He resigned today and says he feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders. He starts on Tuesday. We are VERY excited about this opportunity and are looking at it as a total new beginning.

Some of the highlights - the hours are much more appealing than his current job - 10-7pm daily instead of 9-9, no weekends, no pressure. The benefits are great (not sure about IF coverage yet, but I won't hold my breath), Sean knows a lot of people on the sales floor, & the compensation plan is very appealing.

Sean spoke to the management team about the possibility of moving back to Buffalo at some point and they are open to it. No promises, but there may be an option to work from home or open a small branch of the company. We decided it was not a deal breaker for us, if it works out - great. If not, that is okay too. Perhaps this will be a bridge to something else, perhaps we will extend our time frame a little bit. Right now, we are just going with the flow. This was not part of the plan, but we always try to be open to change. Though it is an overused cliche, I do believe everything happens for a reason.

We feel like the tide has turned for us a bit. We have had quite the stretch of bad news of the past 18 months - Sean's shoulder surgery, the car accident, the business not working out, 3 failed IVFs, Sean's dad's cancer, my Dad losing his job & not being able to find work, the economy etc... We have learned a lot, but I am so over all of it! We feel way over due for some positive news. I truly feel like there has been a shift in the cosmos. Perfect time to get our FET under way!

You may remember that my mantra for 2009 is "The Year of Hope" & I went into it with no expectations. Well, so far 2009 has been full of surprises and full of hope too. Looking forward to what else is in store...

Shufflin' off to...

BUFFALO!

I have been leading you on for weeks about a big life change, but I haven't been quite ready to put it out there. I think my title kind of gives it away, but first, a little background...

Sean & I were both born & raised in Buffalo, NY and our entire family is up there. I came to MD in 1997 for college and we stayed. In 2003, we decided we would like to move back to Buffalo. We were getting married in August of 2004 and hoped to move by then. Sean's CEO agreed and the plan was for Sean to telecommute and eventually open his own branch of the company in the area. We decided to build our dream home 3 miles from my parents. We absolutely loved being back and could not have been happier - God, I loved that house. We had been in our home for just 6 months, when Sean was offered a promotion that was just too good to pass over. We put the house on the market & packed up and moved back to Maryland. The promotion wasn't what it was supposed to be and Sean was really unhappy and frustrated for awhile. He even left the company for a little while to pursue opening his own business. Ultimately, the current economy dictated that it just was not a good time for risky ventures and Sean returned to his old company in a new capacity. While he has been happier, we have never been able to shake the feeling that we should be back in Buffalo.

With all that said, we have decided that the time has come to leave Maryland and move home once more. We no longer own a home here and in some ways it is the perfect time to do it. Although taxes are high in NY, cost of living is much lower than it is here in MD. Housing is so much more affordable and being close to family is priceless. Sean's Dad's cancer diagnosis this summer really got the wheels turning for both of us. We know that when we have children, we want them to grow up close to their grandparents & extended family. We have a HUGE family waiting for us and we feel like we miss out on so much. Although we try to get home as often as possible, it is still not the same & travelling over the holidays is stressful!

We are not moving any time soon. In fact, it is more of a 1-2 year plan. We have decided on a price range for a home and are saving aggressively for a down payment. We are also putting extra money away in the event that this FET is a bust and we need to do IVF #4. We have really buckled down and are cutting back where ever and when ever we can.

Sean has communicated to his CEO that moving back to Buffalo is the plan and he is 100% supportive of that and even commented that it was a mistake for him to have ever asked us to give it up in the first place. Sean will remain with the company and work from home. I have not told the family that I tutor for yet, because it may be a non-issue. Robert graduates from high school next June and Michaella will be in 10th grade and has never needed the level of support that Robert has. Although I love my job and the kids are like family to me, it is not a reason to stay here. In this age of technology, there is nothing to say that I could not work with Michaella via chat if I had to; I certainly know the curriculum well by this point. I think the family will be supportive.

We have not told our families yet and probably won't for a little while. We would like to be able to tell them in person and also have a clearer time line in place. We still need to figure out which towns and neighborhoods are most appealing to us. Our families have been through so much with us, we want to tell them in person and be able to have concrete details to share.

So, that my friends, is my big news! It is a little scary to being doing this all over again, but I know in my heart it is the right thing for us and our families. I am glad it is not happening immediately though. I want the time to save and plan and figure things out. It will be here soon enough! Thank you for all your support and positive thoughts over the past few weeks! As always, it means a great deal to me!

In IF news, my endo biopsy results are in and they are normal! Pretty much what I expected, although it is always nice to have answers. Now we are back at square one. They did recheck my prolactin and now it is a little low -only 2- it should be over 3. It went from too high to too low. Dr. P had me stop the meds and will recheck it in 3 weeks. I hate taking meds that I don't have too, so that is fine with me. Today is cycle day 1, but we decided not to do my FET. I am going to take this month off, keeping losing weight and give my body a break from the meds. I should start my FET right around St. Patrick's Day - may the luck o' the Irish be with us!

Halfway to Nowhere

Well, I am about 1/2 way finished with my mock cycle. I had my lining check yesterday and my lining looked "beautiful!" I did not ask for measurements, because I figured why worry about something that does not matter anyway? I get to cut back my Est.race to 2x per day and I started Endo.metrin 3x per day this morning. Lucky me!

Although the mock cycle is easy and boring, I am not really a happy camper. The estrogen put the whammy on my sex drive in a major way and we all know how very romantic progesterone suppositories are to top it all off. Sigh... poor Sean. Poor me.

My endometrial biopsy is scheduled for next Friday the 13th. Looks like Valentine's Day weekend is going to be filled with romance. Sigh...

I stop all meds on 2/15 and call with a period. I can start FET right away pending results and we are leaning towards doing that.

I am down 10.4 lbs since the New Year and going strong. Losing about 1lb. per week for the last few weeks. I am hoping the meds don't blow me up like a balloon though. Sean is down almost 10 as well. I love cooking and am always looking for more healthy recipes!

We are new/used SUV shopping and it is maddening. I will spare you the details, but after spending Friday, Sat and Sun test driving trucks, I think we are getting closer to making a decision. We are terrible at making big decisions like this. We have a tendency to over think, over analyze and over plan things. Hopefully this weekend we will be the proud new owners of an SUV!

We are also making some headway on our "big life change" plans that I mentioned recently. I will unveil the plan soon. Thank you all for your well wishes and support!

Let the Mock begin!

Today is CD2 and I began my mock cycle yesterday. It is pretty boring actually - 1 Es.trace pill once a day for 5 days and then I gradually ramp it up until my U/S on Feb 3rd. At the end of this I have nothing but an endometrial biopsy to look forward to. Fun stuff. Hopefully it will bring some answers and then we can get the FET show on the road!

Still feeling good, still cooking everyday, still trying to be more active. Weigh in tomorrow! I am glad to hear some of you tried the soup recipe!

Thinking seriously about making a pretty major life change, but that's all I'm saying for now. We really want to be sure and have a good plan in place before making any major announcements. I will keep you posted as it evolves... (it is NOT IF related). Send some thoughts and prayers our way - we have a lot to consider.