Santa Can Bite Me!

40w3d no baby in sight...Off to the midwife in the morning. Fingers crossed for some progress.

Christmas started off great. We stayed in PJs all day, watched movies and ate snacks. It all went to hell in a hand basket around 5:30 when Libby, our mini schnauzer, jumped for a toy and collapsed screaming in pain, it was evident something was very wrong with her rear leg. Sean & my dad stabilized her, but we rushed off to the vet ER - her shaking and crying the whole way - they had to sedate her just to do the exam and xrays. Turns out she dislocated her hip They put her under anesthesia and popped it back into place. We picked her up late that night. It cost a small FORTUNE.

Poor little girl cried and cried for hours - she was in so much pain. Even the pain meds didn't seem to take the edge off. I guess the crying and whimpering can be a side effect of the anesthetic and all the stress, but she was breaking our hearts.

Sean is amazing and sat reclined on the sofa, fully dressed with her all night long while she cried and slept on and off. He wanted me to get some sleep in case I went into labor. He is the best puppy daddy ever and is going to be a pretty awesome daddy to this LO as well.

Libby seems much better pain wise, but we had to switch meds because it gave her horrendous diarrhea - she can't catch a break.

The bad news, she is at increased risk for it happening again in the next few weeks and if it does, she will need surgery ASAP. She is on restricted activity for FOUR weeks - no steps, no hardwood floors, no running or jumping. That should be fun with a newborn. Thank goodness Sean is off for another week or so and my parents are here for 10 more days...

Needless to say, not the type of excitement we were hoping for! I am just glad I didn't go into labor in the middle of all that mess, but now that she is on the mend, bring it!

Dear Santa...

It may be too late to get in my Christmas wish, but I was hoping there was room on your list for one more request. We haven't spoke in many years, but some of my best memories are from Christmas morning - all thanks to you and your elves. As you know, Sean and I began our story 13 years ago on Christmas Day and 7 years ago was especially magical when Sean proposed to me under the tree on Christmas morning.

We need your help this year too. You see, Ralphie was due to arrive today, but the stork seems to be stuck somewhere behind your sleigh and the UPS man, so we were hoping there might be room our your sleigh for our little one. He or she shouldn't take up much room, but he or she sure will fill so many hearts with joy and love!

So, Santa, if you can, our only wish this year is to welcome our new son or daughter into our lives. It would be the best Christmas gift ever...

Love,
Emily & Sean

Still here...

We survived the blizzard of 2009 and Ralphie stayed put! We were snowbound all day Saturday and Sunday. After 5 rounds of shoveling, Sean has the driveway down to pavement and is one hurtin' puppy today. Our road was finally plowed and we got out today to head to the Midwife and Sean went to work and did a big grocery store trip.

I had an internal today and made no progress since my last internal 10 days ago, which was a little disappointing I really thought I would be dilated since I lost my MP and had some bloody show on Thursday. Oh well, things can change rapidly at this point. The MW thought Ralphie would hang in until after Christmas, but we are encouraging him to prove her wrong! They will let me go all of 42w, but with increased monitoring, u/s etc.. She did think he was approaching 8lbs though. Whoa...

My parents arrive in 2 days and we are just about ready for their arrival and very ready for the baby. Hopefully there is not a lot of sitting around staring at each other or I might just go crazy.

Last, but not least, LIBBY, the snowdog! :)

Winter Wonderland

Here I am 39w2d and it is a blizzard outside. Literally, a blizzard. I have lived in Maryland since 1997 and there has only ever been one blizzard and a handful of memorable snowstorms.

I joked to friends and family yesterday that it would be ironic and funny if Ralphie, my little snowbaby that spent 2 years in a freezer, arrived during this storm. I am rescinding my invite! Mama was just kidding!!!

It is beautiful out there, but conditions are just awful. We have 8-10 inches so far with no end in sight. They are calling for up to 30 inches! We had Sean's holiday party last night and it took us 2 hours to get home. There were really bad accidents everywhere and I was a nervous wreck. We're not in Buffalo any more kids! These Marylanders do not handle this weather well at all!

My birthing center is only 15min away under normal conditions, but I am thinking it would take us an hour plus today and who knows how long for the midwives and nurses...

I think I might like Ralphie to stay put for at least another day! Sean is shoveling just in case.
In the mean time, I am making a pot of sauce, a pan of ziti and some brownies.

In honor of Ralphie, we will be watching A Christmas Story later!

East Coasters - stay safe and warm!

Nesting as therapy

Well, things are cruising right along around here! We are 1 week from our EDD and as ready as we are going to get! I even managed to clean out that pesky tupperware cabinet last week. I am confident I can find more things to knock out around here, but as far as prep for Ralphie, we are all set!!!

Part of my nesting involved cleaning out my IVF cabinet which I had been putting off for my entire pregnancy. At first I suppose that was out of fear, but then it just became a fixture of my life and honestly, hard for me to let go of. I did coordinate a donation with another girl who is OOP and that felt great and yet I still felt the need to hang onto some of it. I donated meds that were set to expire, but anything that had at least 6mo left, I boxed up and put away along with all my sharps, gauze, alcohol pads etc... I don't really know why. It is pretty unrealistic that I would be ready to cycle again in 6 short months, especially since I plan to breastfeed for a year and yet, I just couldn't get rid of all those meds. It felt so familiar to handle them - I could smell them, I could feel the sting of the needle and the burn of the meds entering my bloodstream. It was bizarre.

As close as I am to holding my baby in my arms, I still have a big part of IF inside of me. I still cry every time I hear one of my IVF anthems - Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, Broken by Lifehouse and Shattered by OAR bring me right back to my darkest days and reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for this holiday season. To all of those still in the trenches, I am thinking of you and wishing you strength during the holidays and hope for the new year!

Here it is! The 39w update and I am thinking it might be the last one...hopefully those words don't come back to bite me!

How am I feeling? Ready to meet my little one! A little sad that this part of my journey is coming to an end. I will miss being pregnant and hope I can experience it again some day. Still peeing an insane number of times per day! Fetal movement is sometimes painful as he/she runs out of room.

Milestones: The final days are here! It has passed me by in a flash...

Signs of Labor: YUP! I lost my mucus plug/had bloody show this morning!! Have had more braxton hicks over the past few days. At my 38w appt, I was 90% effaced, cervix was midline and soft and the baby was -2 station. No dilation. If I don't go into labor this weekend, I have my next internal on Monday! I know all this could mean nothing more than hurry up and wait, but it could also mean that labor is right around the corner. Either way, my body is working hard to get ready!

Cravings: I have been really hungry lately! Still eating my waffles daily and drinking my chocolate milk :)

What do I miss? Putting on my own socks :)

What am I looking forward to? The big day! So much anticipation...

Weight gain: 9lbs total - I have gained 4lbs in the past 2 weeks and MW thinks it is mostly fluid as my legs have been a little swollen. BP is perfect!!

What am I doing to help labor along? Drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea - at least 2 cups a day- and taking 1500mg of Evening Primrose Oil daily. Walking, having sex, bouncing on the yoga ball, doing squats, and eating spicy foods!
When does the family arrive? Wednesday!! I can't wait!

So that's it. I am thinking I may go into labor over the weekend - the 18th is my Dad's bday and he has been deceased since 2000, so that would be kind of special. We are also expecting a winter storm this weekend and that would be appropriate for our little snowbaby!

Thank you to everyone who responded to our poll and took a guess about Ralphie's birthday!

I am wishing all of you a very happy holiday season - may all your dreams come true!

The end is in sight...

It is December. OH.MY.GAWD. It is DECEMBER!!!!!! Ralphie is on the clock, time is ticking, we are on deck, insert your own cliche here...

Any way you look at it, this baby is making his/her grand entrance this month. Where has the time gone? I feel like it was just April and I was a mere 4w pregnant. December felt so very far away and now here it is, December 1st and I am 2 days away from being full term and 23 days away from my EDD.

I have really loved being pregnant. I have been blessed by a relatively easy pregnancy and despite the Chipotle incident and the rather long bout of all day sickness, I don't feel I have a lot to complain about. It has been a peaceful time. In true only child fashion, I have loved all the pampering and attention from Sean, friends, family and strangers. Baby showers are the best thing ever! People have been incredibly generous and we are pretty much set. I promise nursery pics soon - we are putting the finishing touches on the nursery this week.

The baby's movement continues to blow my mind on a daily basis, as does the fact that in just 9 months I have grown tiny little human being. How crazy is that??? What started as just 2 cells in a petri dish is now a perfectly formed human who will enter the world any day now. It's incredible.

I have no idea what the future holds for us, but I would love to be pregnant again. It has really been a special time in my life.

We have been busy little bees over the past few weeks. Our dear friends threw us a couple's shower two weeks ago and we had a wonderful time celebrating with our friends and neighbors. I was happy for Sean that he got to celebrate with the boys. It is funny to see all of guy friends that have little ones giving Sean Daddy advice. They were so into it! My aunt kept commenting on how times have changed and how much more involved men seem to be in pregnancy and parenting than they ever were in her generation. I think it is a wonderful thing. Sean is so very excited to be a Daddy and he is on board with all my crazy notions regarding parenting ;)

We have been cleaning and nesting and organizing like crazy and we are feeling like we are just about ready for this little one's arrival. We did not travel to Buffalo for Thanksgiving this year so we spent the holiday just the two of us. Sean spent most of the day assembling baby gear while I cooked a traditional dinner. We ate by candlelight reflecting on how much our lives have changed in just one year.

I still need to pack my bag and the baby's bag and we need to install the car seat. We can't install it until our glider arrives because we need to put down the seats in the truck to get it home. It should be here any day. I have some nesting type projects that I would love to knock out, but nothing pressing, unless organizing the tupperware cabinet is a requirement for bringing the baby home. I would also love to do a little holiday decorating. I need to practice my hypnobirthing techniques and get myself in the right mindset for my med free birth at the birthing center. I feel like we have been so wrapped up in preparing the house, that I have neglected my own preparation a little bit.

36/37 week update:

How am I feeling? Like I have to pee CONSTANTLY! I told Sean I am taking up residence in the bathroom. I must go 20+ times per day, sometimes immediately after going, I feel the urge to go again. The Midwife tells me this is because the baby has dropped. It is not a pleasant feeling. Even less pleasant is when you tinkle a little when you sneeze - fun stuff! It has only happened once, but one time too many in my book.

Milestones: I am considered full term this Thursday and my EDD is just 23 days away!

Cravings: Still drinking a lot of milk and I eat 2 waffles every single day and have been for months now.

Aversions: Chicken is gross to me again :(

What do I miss: Sleeping through the night - I guess I can kiss those days goodbye for a looooooong time!

What am I looking forward to? Meeting this little one. I cannot wait to find out if this is a girl or a boy and to see his/her sweet face for the first time.

Weight gain: Holding steady at 5lbs gained in total. I even switched to whole milk and added a protein shake a day to my diet. I think this baby has my metabolism on super speed and I am not really complaining about that.

Signs of labor: At my 35w appt I was 80% effaced, baby dropped and cervix was nice and soft. No dilation yet! I have also been a little crampy and have a heaviness in my pelvis on and off.

What am I doing to help labor along? Drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea - at least 2 cups a day- and taking 1500mg of Evening Primrose Oil daily. Both per my midwives instructions. I need to start walking daily and using my yoga ball.

So there you have it!!! I've added a poll so you can predict Ralphie's gender, so please play along. Also, feel free to make a guess about when Ralphie will arrive when you comment. I think I am going early - the week of 12/14. My mom thinks on or about 12/10 and Sean thinks any day this week...What do you think? Early? Right on time? Late?

A letter to my child

Dear Ralphie,

Hello my little one! It is the day before Thanksgiving and I cannot even begin to describe to you the joy and gratefulness that fill my heart this year. Some days I feel like I just might burst with happiness about your impending arrival. To feel you move and roll and kick in my belly is one of the best feelings in the world. Admittedly, I will miss it. I will miss knowing you are all mine and knowing you are the only one who has ever heard my heartbeat from the inside. I do think having you in my arms to kiss and snuggle will more than make up for that though.

The calendar tells me that we have less than a month until we meet you, my instinct tells me it could be a wee bit sooner than that. Do you know how excited your Daddy and I are to finally meet you? We have been dreaming about this day for so very long and it is finally close at hand. We have feathered a little nest for you, we hope you will be most comfortable here.

Daddy and I talk about you all the time. We wonder if you are a boy or a girl, although we both strongly feel you are a boy and I think you might shock us if you are a little girl. We will be over the moon either way and Mommy gets all choked up thinking about the moment we hear the words, "It's a...!" We wonder and daydream about what you will look like. Will you have your Daddy's red hair that Mommy always dreams of? Will you have his baby blues, or my green eyes? Based on your early photos, I think you have your Daddy's legs and feet. What will your personality be like? Your Gramma Rita always says that your Daddy, "was a great baby, a great child, an easy teenager and a wonderful man." I couldn't agree more and hope you have his easy, laid back personality. We have so many hopes and dreams for you and we can't wait to see who you are and who you have yet to become.

I can't wait to look into your sweet little face for the first time and gaze into your eyes and tell you how much I love you. I can't wait to see you in your Daddy's arms and to see the look on his face as he meets his son or daughter for the first time. I can't wait to count and kiss your ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. I can't wait to feel your skin on my skin, to feed you for the first time, to hold you and to love you. I already love you so much I don't know how my heart could get any fuller, but I think it might just burst out of my chest the first time I have you in my arms.

Daddy and I promise to be good parents. We will always be here for you - to love you, to hug you and to kiss you, to listen to you, to keep you safe and warm, to guide you, to lead you, to teach you, to discipline you, to let you make your mistakes and catch you when you fall, to mend skinned little knees and broken hearts too. We will be your biggest cheerleaders and our hearts will be filled with pride at your accomplishments - big and small. I can't promise that we will always be your best friends or that will be the "cool" parents, but we will do the best we can to help you grow up to be a good person.

Your family is filled with anticipation as well. Gramma and Papa are especially excited to meet their first grandchild. I apologize in advance if the nickname Ralphie sticks with you. You have your Papa to thank for that. As soon as he found out you were due on Christmas Eve, he coined the nickname in honor of Ralphie in "A Christmas Story." So, talk to him if you hate it! You are grandchild #10 for Daddy's side and they are just as excited to meet you. Your cousins are pretty excited too! See how loved you are already???

I can't think of a more magical time of year to bring you into this world. There was a time in our lives when the holidays filled us with a certain sadness, but you have changed that for us forever. Now our hearts are filled with joy thinking of all the memories to be made with you.

I will treasure these last weeks feeling you in my belly. I will try not to wish them away, but I am anxiously awaiting your birthday. One year ago, I wrote this post. It all seemed so abstract and now my dreams are coming true. You are our miracle, our little snowflake, our heart and our soul and I promise that you will be blessed...

I love you forever,
Mommy