New Adventures

YIKES! I am so out of practice! It took me a solid 20 minutes to log in and an obscene amount of time to update my template and I still have a weird pic of a cat that I cannot get rid of.

People aren't joking when they say motherhood steals your brain cells! Maybe I should have my 6 year old customize my template for me?!

To answer the question many of you posed in the comments, we are very much still unsure if our family is complete. Right now, we need to focus on our health. I have very much neglected taking care of myself since I became a mom. I am at an all time high weight and just not feeling great about it. As a result, my cycles are wonky again and I truly cannot imagine being pregnant right now. We spent Spring Break in Baltimore visiting friends and family last week. Walking the harbor with the kids, left us sore and feeling old! If we are going to add #4, we need to be able to keep up or we are surely doomed.

A big thing that has changed for me and brings me great joy is that I am a business owner. I have been blessed and lucky enough to stay home for the past 6 years, but it has not been without stress and sacrifice. Sean works extremely hard to provide for our family, but also works in a field with unpredictable income. He was under a lot of stress at work and ends were just not meeting at home. We knew we needed to do something, but daycare x3 was out of the question as was me working nights and weekends. We had worked way to hard to build a family and I was not about to give up on my dream of being a stay at home mom.

Sean has always been very entrepreneurial and is always looking for the right opportunity or franchise. Thankfully, last spring, that opportunity found us and it has been incredible.

We partnered with the doctors who created the acne medication, Proactiv, in the 1990s . Doctors Katie Rodan and Kathy Fields launched their own anti aging premium skin care line and we decided to jump on board once we saw the magnitude of the opportunity. We offer skincare solutions to all your concerns - anti aging, sensitivity, sun damage and yes, acne.

If you had asked me 6 years ago if I would be a stay at home mom to three kids and selling skincare, I would have laughed in your face. Laughed and laughed and laughed until I cried. I was a Target skincare girl - if you can even call it skincare. I would wash my face with generic wash when I was lucky enough to catch a shower and then I'd put on Target brand sunscreen and call it a day. Skincare was not a passion of mine.

Yet, here I am. This has been the perfect fit for me. It has given us the ability to make ends meet again and reduced our stress enormously. I have been able to take over paying the mortgage, both car payments and preschool tuition x2 thanks to my job as a consultant with R+F. Taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University has enabled us to put our residual income to work for us!

It has also given my self confidence a huge boost - for so long I felt like my identity was my infertility and then it was all tied up in being pregnant and becoming a mom. As much as I loved being a new mom to 3 kids under 3, it was very isolating at times. For the first two years, my social life involved going to Target alone or with my mom for a couple hours. Once my littles started preschool and I was connecting with other moms, I realized how much I missed interacting with adults and using my brain for something more than figuring out who ate last and how to potty train a toddler.

Now, I connect with men and women all over the U.S. and Canada every single day. I lead a team of over 50 people and I consider them among my closest friends and cheerleaders. This job is the most fun I've ever had and it fulfills me in a way that I didn't know I was missing. My glowing skin also helps my self confidence and forces me to take a few minutes to myself every night to wash and practice a little self care.

My only regret is not finding this opportunity sooner. I sometimes day dream about how invaluable it would've been during my infertility struggle. Not only would it have been a way to help fund some treatment, but my infertility would've been a BIG part of my why. Now, my kids are my why and creating time and financial freedom drive me to succeed in this business. Our ultimate goal is also to retire Sean from his full time job and we are on track to do that.

Let me close by telling you a little bit more about these kiddos that I am lucky enough to have call me their mom!

Eliza is 6 and in kindergarten. She is a typical first born and little mama to everyone. She is wise beyond her years. She is responsible and independent and so loving. Everyone says she is my mini me.

Lydia is 4 and her 2 year old teacher nicknamed her Sassy Pants. It stuck and she has proved it to be very accurate! She is my wild child! She is funny and has an incredible imagination. She is going to set the world on fire!

Owen is 2 and my littlest love. His favorite color is pink and he wants to be just like his sisters (who he adores). He is smart and never stops talking. He loves me something fierce. Now, I understand what everyone says about a mom and her son.

So, that's a little snapshot of my life these days. I am going to try to better about blogging because the time is going so fast and I want to remember every moment.

Crossroads

Recently someone said to me, "You really have a way with words and your facebook updates about your children are always so funny! You should really considering writing!" I told her that I did, in fact, used to write. That I blogged my entire infertility journey for the world to see - the good, the bad, the ugly and the most beautiful moments of my life.

It got my wheels turning about why I stopped writing here and where my life is now. What my place in the world of blogging is or isn't anymore...My infertility journey feels like it was a million years ago now. In many ways, it was a lifetime ago, if one can compress a lifetime into 5.5 years. 

My life barely resembles that of the younger woman who penned these words all that time ago. Then, I was firmly entrenched in the pain of infertility, then the joy and uncertainty of pregnancy after IF and finally the mixed bag of emotions that is new motherhood. Now, I'm firmly entrenched in preschool and potty training, PTA and birthday parties. I live a life I never dreamed was possible 7 years ago. I survived having 3 babies in 3 years, the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding, failure to thrive, tongue ties, sleep deprivation, a 14 month old who had spinal cord surgery for tethered cord syndrome, a highly anxious child (I am still surviving that one), 2 moves, some stress and heartbreak, being "touched out" and most recently sending my biggest little off to kindergarten and my baby to preschool. It has been a whirlwind of cheerios, Disney Jr, play dates and overall chaos. Looking back over the last 5 years, it has been a BLUR! I wish I had kept up with my blogging to document it all because I have already forgotten so much. I struggle with if this blog is the right format for this stage of life that I am entrenched in.

The infertility chapter of my life is closed. I have a desire to have a 4th child, but I have no desire to get back on the roller coaster that is infertility. Sean is perfectly content to close the baby days chapter. We have been blessed with 3 gorgeous, healthy, happy, children. 2 girls, 1 boy. We have no way of doing if we would ever be able to conceive on our own again and deciding to "try"again, means deciding to at least step back in line for the roller coaster. Lydia and Owen were the biggest surprises of our entire life, We never made a conscious decision to try for more children. The last time we decided to try to have kids was in 2004 and the start of a 5 year journey that included 3 failed IVF cycles. I just don't have it in me to walk that road again. So to decide to try and then not be able to conceive again would be devastating in a whole new way. I realize how delusional that probably sounds to many, especially those still in the trenches...

I got a letter today from Shady Grove Fertility today asking what we would like to do with our sperm sample in storage. It was such a blast from the past and took me right back to a dark time in my life. Now, there is so much light and joy, but I will never forget...

So, my friends, we are at a crossroads. The baby days are just about behind us. The bottles and sippies long gone, the milk dry, no traces of baby gear, our days in diapers are limited and my "baby" boy started preschool this week! Just recently, there's been weekends away with my husband and girlfriends, moms' nights out, a few hours to myself every week and I even started a new business. It feels good and  yet so scary. Babies are all I have known for 5.5 years. I am not sure I am ready to let go of that stage of my life, but this new phase feels good too...

I often think of those of you who walked this path with me. I wonder where you are in this journey of life and marriage, parenthood and infertility, family building and chapter closing. I hope the years have been kind to you. I would love to hear from you in the comments!

Hardly Christmas Card worthy, but one of those perfect days that captures everything I ever dreamed of. Hilton Head, June 2015

Well, this is awkward...

Hello there, friends. One thing is for sure, it has been far too long...almost two years, in fact.

So, where do I begin? I guess I should prepare you, my dear

readers (if indeed anyone is still out there, hello???), for a possible punch in the gut...

You see I am "one of those" infertiles. You know the ones we all love to hate, the stuff of urban legends and the origin of "just relax" and it will happen...IT happened and I am now a mom, of not one, but TWO gorgeous girls

.

Lydia Kathleen was born on August 31, 2011 in a home away from homebirth, (but that is a crazy story for another day!). She was our surprise BFP, our Christmas "miracle", our 2% chance you will ever conceive on your own, jackpot winner. Apparently Sean's varicocele embolization worked better than we ever could have dreamed.

The long and short of it goes like this: it was Christmas 2010 and I was still nursing Eliza who was about to turn 1. I had a few postpartum periods, but the thought of TTC had never even crossed our minds. We loved being parents and we were quite busy with Eliza. A few days after Christmas it dawned on me that my period might be late. There was a nagging voice in the back of my head that told me I was pregnant, but I refused to believe it. How could I possibly be pregnant?! the voice wouldn't go away so, while I was doing some last minute shopping for Eliza's 1st birthday, I grabbed a few HPTs.

I didn't even take my coat off before I ran to the bathroom to POAS. It popped up positive immediately & I shouted to Eliza, still bundled in her infant seat, "I KNEW IT!!!" I scooped her up, pee stick in hand and we drove to Sean's office to share the joyous news. Long time readers might remember this post, where I surprised Sean at his office to share our BFP news. This was becoming a habit!

Needless to say, I didn't make a public announcement this time, I simply called him down to the car to meet me. He was shocked, I was shocked. We were thrilled, but nervous. Could we really be pregnant on our own after 5yrs, severe mfi, a damaged tube, a history of uterine polyps, 3 failed fresh ivfs & an fet???

Yes, yes we were & after an uneventful pregnancy & very eventful labor & delivery, 3 became 4 and here we are today. Parents of two girls, Eliza & Lydia. It still takes my breath away.

There is so much I want to share with you about my girls. About what an incredible two years it has been, about Eliza & how she has brought us joy each & every day. About her sign language, her huge vocabulary & her funny, expressive personality. About what an amazing sister she is. About our sleep struggles. About her tethered cord syndrome & surgery. I want you to know all about Lydia & how easy going she is. How breastfeeding is a million times easier. About how having 2 kids under 2 is the craziest, most stressful, most rewarding, most incredible thing I have ever done. I want to tell you so much, but I don't even know where to start...

Thankfully, Sean did know just where to start. The ladies have inspired my husband to blog about life as their daddy. And an incredible daddy he is. My girls and I are lucky to have such a caring, loving, affectionate & selfless man in our lives. I never, ever took Sean as the blogging type, but he is hooked! His blog is pretty amazing stuff if you ask me, but I'm a little biased. Head on over to mydaddymydaddy.com & check it out. Leave him a little comment love while you're there! He also tweets @mydaddymydaddy.

Reading his blog has reminded me how much I loved blogging & how much I missed it & how emotional it is. Honestly, it's been tough to revisit some of the darker days of our journey. It has also made these days so much sweeter.

So what about this blog? To be honest, I'm not sure what the future of this blog is. I may keep it & rework it, I may close it & begin anew. For now, I am looking forward to catching up with my blogroll!

A few more pics...

photography by Timeless Treasures www.todayisatreasure.com

Well, hello there!

WOW! Where oh where has the time gone?! Last time I posted, Eliza was just 3 weeks old. Today she is over 3 months old! So much has happened, I hardly even recognize my own life, but before we get into all that, I think the least I can do is post a photo to make up for my absence.

We are officially back in Buffalo and thanks to my amazing husband, our move went incredibly well. Far easier than I ever anticipated. It is wonderful to be home and surrounded by our family and friends. Miss Eliza has had quite the social life since we moved back - meeting all her aunts, uncles & cousins has been joyful, indeed. She has even had the chance to spend some time with my grandma, her 90 year old, GiGi. Our new place is lovely, on the small side, but really nice. We lucked out and are renting from my sister-in-law's sister and it is a perfect arrangement. We plan to be here a year or two before we buy again. After 3 months at home with his girls, Sean started his new job yesterday. We LOVED having him home and feel quite blessed and spoiled to have had the indulgence of so much family time.

It is hard to believe, but one year ago yesterday, was transfer day & our little miracle began her journey to our lives. So much has changed in a year and we never could have imagined how full of love and joy our lives would be. We feel incredibly blessed and lucky to have Eliza in our lives.

Hmmm, so much to fill you in on. Let's see, breastfeeding has been quite a challenge. I have seen 4 different lactation consultants and every supply trick in the book. I will devote an entire post to it, but Eliza has a suck dysfunction - a possible type 4 tongue tie and I have a supply issue, possibly as a result of the suck dysfunction. Her weight gain has been slow, but with lots of pumping, giving her extra ounces of pumped milk & occasionally formula, she is gaining and has finally broke the 11lb mark. She is our tiny little girl.

Speaking of tiny little girls, Libby dislocated her hip again and just recently had surgery to permanently fix it. Poor thing, she has had it rough. She and Eliza are becoming fast friends.

Things Eliza loves at 3 months old:

1. Sleep! Eliza loves her sleep and sleeps a solid 7 hours per night straight and 12 + hours total. She is just like her mommy, daddy and fur-sister Libby. She is a happy, happy baby.

2. Binki - ahhh, heaven!

3. Her swing - girl can take some serious power naps in that thing.

4. Drooling

5. Snuggling - she loves being worn and snuggled close.

6. Baths - especially baths with mommy.

7. Her playmat.

8. Music and singing - she is a big fan of The Farmer in the Dell and the various silly versions Mommy and Daddy invent.

9. Hockey - yep, hockey. She is transfixed when it is on. Our little Sabres fan already. We really should nip this love affair with TV in the bud.

Things Eliza is not a fan of at 4 months:

1. Formula, or at least certain kinds. We need to send the video to America's Funniest.

2. Laying flat on her back - she is a reflux babe.

3. The car and her carseat. Boy, does she ever scream.

As you can see, the list of loves, far outweighs the list of dislikes.

She is happy, happy, happy and almost everyone who meets her comments on how smiley she is. She rolls over, laughs and kicks her feet a mile a minute. How did we ever get so lucky?

3 weeks!!

Where or where has the time gone? I cannot believe my little girl is 3 weeks old today! How life has changed in 3 short weeks. I feel like I have been in a bubble. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been out of the house & I feel completely out of touch with the real world, but that is okay because I am head over heels in love with Eliza.

Eliza Caroline has big feet like her mama and fingers like her daddy. She looks like daddy, but has mommy's nose and profile. She has long eyelashes and huge, almond shaped blue eyes. Her hair is light in front, dark in the back and show some hints of red. I can't believe we made her - she is perfection.




Eliza's favorite things at 3 weeks:
1. being worn in the Moby by mommy or daddy
2. Snuggling up
3. Breastfeeding
4. Sleeping on our chests
5. being naked

Things Eliza dislikes at 3 weeks:
1. swing
2. bouncy seat
3. red lights
4. baths
5. sleeping in the cosleeper

Life is good but has been a blur of breastfeeding, diaper changes, babywearing, sleeping, rinse and repeat. BFing was really, really hard at first, got immensely better week 2 and week 3 is looking like there might be a supply issue as Eliza is still not up to birth weight. So for now, I visit the LC, stay in touch with the pedi, add pumping into the routine, take some fenugreek, go for frequent weight checks, supplement with pumped breast milk whenever possible and an oz of formula here and there. I HATE giving her the lousy ounce of formula and hope that she starts gaining ASAP so we can go back to exclusive breastfeeding. I know how irrational it sounds to hate giving her formula, I know it is helping her and not harming her, but it makes me feel like my body is broken all over again. LC suspects my supply issue could be due to the IVF and/or the postpartum hemorrhage. Hopefully it is easily fixable...

I know I owe you all my birth story, but I really want to do it justice so I am going to start working on it and post it when complete.


As if life has not been overwhelming enough with a newborn baby, we have decided now is the time to make the move back to Buffalo. I know - we are certifiable. Many of my long time readers know this has been on our radar for a loooong time and it has always been a long term goal. Having Eliza put things into perspective for us and when we looked at the big picture - budget, resources, Sean's job, our rental situation etc...it just made sense to pull the trigger and do it. So, we shuffle off to Buffalo on February 19th. Sean quit his job the day we decided and it has been wonderful having him home with us right now. He is handling all things related to the move and doing an amazing job with it - that is saying something coming from a control freak like me. Ask me if I feel the same when the major packing begins! We are kind of flying by the seat of our pants with the whole thing and it is SCARY! I know it is for the best though!

I am feeling good, but I had MAJOR weepyness the first week at home. I cried my eyes out when my mom left and when my inlaws were here, I was a hot mess. I even took the baby and hid in my bedroom one day. They were trying to be helpful, but the type A part of me could not handle it. The decision to move was not helping my emotional state either, but thankfully, the crying jags seem to have passed.

That is about all I have right now, but how about some more pics of the cutest baby I know???

Happy Birthday!

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Eliza Caroline was born on 12/31/2009 at 7:11am after a whopping 49 hours of labor. She weighed in at 8.1lbs and 20in long.

I can't believe I am a mommy to a precious little girl. A daughter?!?! AMAZING.

What a perfect way to end 2009- The Year of Hope. What a dream come true. We are head over heels in love with our little girl. I have a feeling 2010 is going to be one of the most magical of our lives. I cannot wait to watch my little girl grow and change. So many firsts to look forward to...

Long and complicated birth story to come, hopefully sooner than later. Eliza is perfect and Mommy is on the mend after an incredibly long and difficult labor. A preview - stalled labor, swelling cervix, sunny side up presentation, vaginal delivery and more!

Wishing everyone a Happy & Healthy 2010! May it be a year of dreams come true...

Pics to come ASAP - hospital connection is dreadfully slow.

Water, water everywhere!

My water broke at 6:15 this morning! Contractions began immediately 2-3min apart, but have sloooooooooowed way down. No pattern at all. Bouncing on the ball and getting ready to go for a walk. Lots of bloody show and mucus.

Called the midwife and she wants me to labor at home until I can't walk or talk comfortably. That seems like it could be several hours from now with the way things are going right now...

Hopefully today is the day I meet my little Ralphie!!!

Santa Can Bite Me!

40w3d no baby in sight...Off to the midwife in the morning. Fingers crossed for some progress.

Christmas started off great. We stayed in PJs all day, watched movies and ate snacks. It all went to hell in a hand basket around 5:30 when Libby, our mini schnauzer, jumped for a toy and collapsed screaming in pain, it was evident something was very wrong with her rear leg. Sean & my dad stabilized her, but we rushed off to the vet ER - her shaking and crying the whole way - they had to sedate her just to do the exam and xrays. Turns out she dislocated her hip They put her under anesthesia and popped it back into place. We picked her up late that night. It cost a small FORTUNE.

Poor little girl cried and cried for hours - she was in so much pain. Even the pain meds didn't seem to take the edge off. I guess the crying and whimpering can be a side effect of the anesthetic and all the stress, but she was breaking our hearts.

Sean is amazing and sat reclined on the sofa, fully dressed with her all night long while she cried and slept on and off. He wanted me to get some sleep in case I went into labor. He is the best puppy daddy ever and is going to be a pretty awesome daddy to this LO as well.

Libby seems much better pain wise, but we had to switch meds because it gave her horrendous diarrhea - she can't catch a break.

The bad news, she is at increased risk for it happening again in the next few weeks and if it does, she will need surgery ASAP. She is on restricted activity for FOUR weeks - no steps, no hardwood floors, no running or jumping. That should be fun with a newborn. Thank goodness Sean is off for another week or so and my parents are here for 10 more days...

Needless to say, not the type of excitement we were hoping for! I am just glad I didn't go into labor in the middle of all that mess, but now that she is on the mend, bring it!

Dear Santa...

It may be too late to get in my Christmas wish, but I was hoping there was room on your list for one more request. We haven't spoke in many years, but some of my best memories are from Christmas morning - all thanks to you and your elves. As you know, Sean and I began our story 13 years ago on Christmas Day and 7 years ago was especially magical when Sean proposed to me under the tree on Christmas morning.

We need your help this year too. You see, Ralphie was due to arrive today, but the stork seems to be stuck somewhere behind your sleigh and the UPS man, so we were hoping there might be room our your sleigh for our little one. He or she shouldn't take up much room, but he or she sure will fill so many hearts with joy and love!

So, Santa, if you can, our only wish this year is to welcome our new son or daughter into our lives. It would be the best Christmas gift ever...

Love,
Emily & Sean

Still here...

We survived the blizzard of 2009 and Ralphie stayed put! We were snowbound all day Saturday and Sunday. After 5 rounds of shoveling, Sean has the driveway down to pavement and is one hurtin' puppy today. Our road was finally plowed and we got out today to head to the Midwife and Sean went to work and did a big grocery store trip.

I had an internal today and made no progress since my last internal 10 days ago, which was a little disappointing I really thought I would be dilated since I lost my MP and had some bloody show on Thursday. Oh well, things can change rapidly at this point. The MW thought Ralphie would hang in until after Christmas, but we are encouraging him to prove her wrong! They will let me go all of 42w, but with increased monitoring, u/s etc.. She did think he was approaching 8lbs though. Whoa...

My parents arrive in 2 days and we are just about ready for their arrival and very ready for the baby. Hopefully there is not a lot of sitting around staring at each other or I might just go crazy.

Last, but not least, LIBBY, the snowdog! :)

Winter Wonderland

Here I am 39w2d and it is a blizzard outside. Literally, a blizzard. I have lived in Maryland since 1997 and there has only ever been one blizzard and a handful of memorable snowstorms.

I joked to friends and family yesterday that it would be ironic and funny if Ralphie, my little snowbaby that spent 2 years in a freezer, arrived during this storm. I am rescinding my invite! Mama was just kidding!!!

It is beautiful out there, but conditions are just awful. We have 8-10 inches so far with no end in sight. They are calling for up to 30 inches! We had Sean's holiday party last night and it took us 2 hours to get home. There were really bad accidents everywhere and I was a nervous wreck. We're not in Buffalo any more kids! These Marylanders do not handle this weather well at all!

My birthing center is only 15min away under normal conditions, but I am thinking it would take us an hour plus today and who knows how long for the midwives and nurses...

I think I might like Ralphie to stay put for at least another day! Sean is shoveling just in case.
In the mean time, I am making a pot of sauce, a pan of ziti and some brownies.

In honor of Ralphie, we will be watching A Christmas Story later!

East Coasters - stay safe and warm!

Nesting as therapy

Well, things are cruising right along around here! We are 1 week from our EDD and as ready as we are going to get! I even managed to clean out that pesky tupperware cabinet last week. I am confident I can find more things to knock out around here, but as far as prep for Ralphie, we are all set!!!

Part of my nesting involved cleaning out my IVF cabinet which I had been putting off for my entire pregnancy. At first I suppose that was out of fear, but then it just became a fixture of my life and honestly, hard for me to let go of. I did coordinate a donation with another girl who is OOP and that felt great and yet I still felt the need to hang onto some of it. I donated meds that were set to expire, but anything that had at least 6mo left, I boxed up and put away along with all my sharps, gauze, alcohol pads etc... I don't really know why. It is pretty unrealistic that I would be ready to cycle again in 6 short months, especially since I plan to breastfeed for a year and yet, I just couldn't get rid of all those meds. It felt so familiar to handle them - I could smell them, I could feel the sting of the needle and the burn of the meds entering my bloodstream. It was bizarre.

As close as I am to holding my baby in my arms, I still have a big part of IF inside of me. I still cry every time I hear one of my IVF anthems - Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, Broken by Lifehouse and Shattered by OAR bring me right back to my darkest days and reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for this holiday season. To all of those still in the trenches, I am thinking of you and wishing you strength during the holidays and hope for the new year!

Here it is! The 39w update and I am thinking it might be the last one...hopefully those words don't come back to bite me!

How am I feeling? Ready to meet my little one! A little sad that this part of my journey is coming to an end. I will miss being pregnant and hope I can experience it again some day. Still peeing an insane number of times per day! Fetal movement is sometimes painful as he/she runs out of room.

Milestones: The final days are here! It has passed me by in a flash...

Signs of Labor: YUP! I lost my mucus plug/had bloody show this morning!! Have had more braxton hicks over the past few days. At my 38w appt, I was 90% effaced, cervix was midline and soft and the baby was -2 station. No dilation. If I don't go into labor this weekend, I have my next internal on Monday! I know all this could mean nothing more than hurry up and wait, but it could also mean that labor is right around the corner. Either way, my body is working hard to get ready!

Cravings: I have been really hungry lately! Still eating my waffles daily and drinking my chocolate milk :)

What do I miss? Putting on my own socks :)

What am I looking forward to? The big day! So much anticipation...

Weight gain: 9lbs total - I have gained 4lbs in the past 2 weeks and MW thinks it is mostly fluid as my legs have been a little swollen. BP is perfect!!

What am I doing to help labor along? Drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea - at least 2 cups a day- and taking 1500mg of Evening Primrose Oil daily. Walking, having sex, bouncing on the yoga ball, doing squats, and eating spicy foods!
When does the family arrive? Wednesday!! I can't wait!

So that's it. I am thinking I may go into labor over the weekend - the 18th is my Dad's bday and he has been deceased since 2000, so that would be kind of special. We are also expecting a winter storm this weekend and that would be appropriate for our little snowbaby!

Thank you to everyone who responded to our poll and took a guess about Ralphie's birthday!

I am wishing all of you a very happy holiday season - may all your dreams come true!

The end is in sight...

It is December. OH.MY.GAWD. It is DECEMBER!!!!!! Ralphie is on the clock, time is ticking, we are on deck, insert your own cliche here...

Any way you look at it, this baby is making his/her grand entrance this month. Where has the time gone? I feel like it was just April and I was a mere 4w pregnant. December felt so very far away and now here it is, December 1st and I am 2 days away from being full term and 23 days away from my EDD.

I have really loved being pregnant. I have been blessed by a relatively easy pregnancy and despite the Chipotle incident and the rather long bout of all day sickness, I don't feel I have a lot to complain about. It has been a peaceful time. In true only child fashion, I have loved all the pampering and attention from Sean, friends, family and strangers. Baby showers are the best thing ever! People have been incredibly generous and we are pretty much set. I promise nursery pics soon - we are putting the finishing touches on the nursery this week.

The baby's movement continues to blow my mind on a daily basis, as does the fact that in just 9 months I have grown tiny little human being. How crazy is that??? What started as just 2 cells in a petri dish is now a perfectly formed human who will enter the world any day now. It's incredible.

I have no idea what the future holds for us, but I would love to be pregnant again. It has really been a special time in my life.

We have been busy little bees over the past few weeks. Our dear friends threw us a couple's shower two weeks ago and we had a wonderful time celebrating with our friends and neighbors. I was happy for Sean that he got to celebrate with the boys. It is funny to see all of guy friends that have little ones giving Sean Daddy advice. They were so into it! My aunt kept commenting on how times have changed and how much more involved men seem to be in pregnancy and parenting than they ever were in her generation. I think it is a wonderful thing. Sean is so very excited to be a Daddy and he is on board with all my crazy notions regarding parenting ;)

We have been cleaning and nesting and organizing like crazy and we are feeling like we are just about ready for this little one's arrival. We did not travel to Buffalo for Thanksgiving this year so we spent the holiday just the two of us. Sean spent most of the day assembling baby gear while I cooked a traditional dinner. We ate by candlelight reflecting on how much our lives have changed in just one year.

I still need to pack my bag and the baby's bag and we need to install the car seat. We can't install it until our glider arrives because we need to put down the seats in the truck to get it home. It should be here any day. I have some nesting type projects that I would love to knock out, but nothing pressing, unless organizing the tupperware cabinet is a requirement for bringing the baby home. I would also love to do a little holiday decorating. I need to practice my hypnobirthing techniques and get myself in the right mindset for my med free birth at the birthing center. I feel like we have been so wrapped up in preparing the house, that I have neglected my own preparation a little bit.

36/37 week update:

How am I feeling? Like I have to pee CONSTANTLY! I told Sean I am taking up residence in the bathroom. I must go 20+ times per day, sometimes immediately after going, I feel the urge to go again. The Midwife tells me this is because the baby has dropped. It is not a pleasant feeling. Even less pleasant is when you tinkle a little when you sneeze - fun stuff! It has only happened once, but one time too many in my book.

Milestones: I am considered full term this Thursday and my EDD is just 23 days away!

Cravings: Still drinking a lot of milk and I eat 2 waffles every single day and have been for months now.

Aversions: Chicken is gross to me again :(

What do I miss: Sleeping through the night - I guess I can kiss those days goodbye for a looooooong time!

What am I looking forward to? Meeting this little one. I cannot wait to find out if this is a girl or a boy and to see his/her sweet face for the first time.

Weight gain: Holding steady at 5lbs gained in total. I even switched to whole milk and added a protein shake a day to my diet. I think this baby has my metabolism on super speed and I am not really complaining about that.

Signs of labor: At my 35w appt I was 80% effaced, baby dropped and cervix was nice and soft. No dilation yet! I have also been a little crampy and have a heaviness in my pelvis on and off.

What am I doing to help labor along? Drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea - at least 2 cups a day- and taking 1500mg of Evening Primrose Oil daily. Both per my midwives instructions. I need to start walking daily and using my yoga ball.

So there you have it!!! I've added a poll so you can predict Ralphie's gender, so please play along. Also, feel free to make a guess about when Ralphie will arrive when you comment. I think I am going early - the week of 12/14. My mom thinks on or about 12/10 and Sean thinks any day this week...What do you think? Early? Right on time? Late?

A letter to my child

Dear Ralphie,

Hello my little one! It is the day before Thanksgiving and I cannot even begin to describe to you the joy and gratefulness that fill my heart this year. Some days I feel like I just might burst with happiness about your impending arrival. To feel you move and roll and kick in my belly is one of the best feelings in the world. Admittedly, I will miss it. I will miss knowing you are all mine and knowing you are the only one who has ever heard my heartbeat from the inside. I do think having you in my arms to kiss and snuggle will more than make up for that though.

The calendar tells me that we have less than a month until we meet you, my instinct tells me it could be a wee bit sooner than that. Do you know how excited your Daddy and I are to finally meet you? We have been dreaming about this day for so very long and it is finally close at hand. We have feathered a little nest for you, we hope you will be most comfortable here.

Daddy and I talk about you all the time. We wonder if you are a boy or a girl, although we both strongly feel you are a boy and I think you might shock us if you are a little girl. We will be over the moon either way and Mommy gets all choked up thinking about the moment we hear the words, "It's a...!" We wonder and daydream about what you will look like. Will you have your Daddy's red hair that Mommy always dreams of? Will you have his baby blues, or my green eyes? Based on your early photos, I think you have your Daddy's legs and feet. What will your personality be like? Your Gramma Rita always says that your Daddy, "was a great baby, a great child, an easy teenager and a wonderful man." I couldn't agree more and hope you have his easy, laid back personality. We have so many hopes and dreams for you and we can't wait to see who you are and who you have yet to become.

I can't wait to look into your sweet little face for the first time and gaze into your eyes and tell you how much I love you. I can't wait to see you in your Daddy's arms and to see the look on his face as he meets his son or daughter for the first time. I can't wait to count and kiss your ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. I can't wait to feel your skin on my skin, to feed you for the first time, to hold you and to love you. I already love you so much I don't know how my heart could get any fuller, but I think it might just burst out of my chest the first time I have you in my arms.

Daddy and I promise to be good parents. We will always be here for you - to love you, to hug you and to kiss you, to listen to you, to keep you safe and warm, to guide you, to lead you, to teach you, to discipline you, to let you make your mistakes and catch you when you fall, to mend skinned little knees and broken hearts too. We will be your biggest cheerleaders and our hearts will be filled with pride at your accomplishments - big and small. I can't promise that we will always be your best friends or that will be the "cool" parents, but we will do the best we can to help you grow up to be a good person.

Your family is filled with anticipation as well. Gramma and Papa are especially excited to meet their first grandchild. I apologize in advance if the nickname Ralphie sticks with you. You have your Papa to thank for that. As soon as he found out you were due on Christmas Eve, he coined the nickname in honor of Ralphie in "A Christmas Story." So, talk to him if you hate it! You are grandchild #10 for Daddy's side and they are just as excited to meet you. Your cousins are pretty excited too! See how loved you are already???

I can't think of a more magical time of year to bring you into this world. There was a time in our lives when the holidays filled us with a certain sadness, but you have changed that for us forever. Now our hearts are filled with joy thinking of all the memories to be made with you.

I will treasure these last weeks feeling you in my belly. I will try not to wish them away, but I am anxiously awaiting your birthday. One year ago, I wrote this post. It all seemed so abstract and now my dreams are coming true. You are our miracle, our little snowflake, our heart and our soul and I promise that you will be blessed...

I love you forever,
Mommy

One of the best days of my life!

I'm back! No excuses, just a terrible blogging slump. Life certainly has been eventful in the almost 2 months since I have graced you with my presence. Time continues to fly by and tomorrow I will be 32 weeks pregnant! Can you even believe it? This little one will be here sooner than later, but hopefully right on time.

One of the biggest events in my life in the past few months was my baby shower! I can honestly say it was of the best days of my life - right up there with our wedding day and the day we found out we were pregnant. Sunday could not have been more perfect. My mom, my aunt, my childhood best friend and my mother-in-law were our hostesses and they did an amazing job. Everything was just perfect. The colors were sage green and chocolate brown to match our bedding, which I changed since my last post. I ended up going with Carter's Elephant Stitch bedding and I love it! The food was yummy, the favors were adorable and the cake - oh my goodness - it was the talk of the town! The favors were baby food jars with green and brown M&Ms, wrapped in tulle with green and brown ribbon and a little elephant tag. The centerpieces were mums and everything coordinated beautifully!

We were so blessed by the generosity of our family and friends. Little Ralphie is already one spoiled little babe. It is crazy to look around and have all this baby stuff in my house!!! The nursery furniture will be here a week from Saturday and then we can really get down to business.

Some of the highlights from my shower were the cake, which I really cannot say enough about, and some really touching personal gifts. Sean's Aunt Kathleen in Ireland was famous for her gorgeous baby blankets and sweaters. She was sick with cancer for many years and passed away the day after our wedding almost 6 years ago. Little did we know she had already made us a sweater and blanket and set them aside. Imagine our surprise to open such a beautiful package at our shower. The tears were flowing...The sweater and blanket are just gorgeous. I do not have a good photo of them, but I will try to remember to take a photo and share it. Along those same lines, my Great Aunt Sara has been in failing health for some time, and shortly after our wedding she began making us a gorgeous blanket. She was able to attend the shower, but her health is poor. Her daughter said this blanket is her last. Finally, Amanda who is 29w pregnant and now living in Maine (sniff) was unable to make the trip but it didn't stop her from sending me an amazing package from Piecemeal People. She made me a pair of elephants which match the bedding to a T and an incredible piece which says "hope". It is just amazing and captures perfectly this journey. Many of you may remember that we coined 2009 "The Year of Hope" and so it has been. The addition of "hope" to the nursery could not be more fitting. All in all, I could not have asked for a more special day.

A 32w update:

How am I feeling? Fantastic! An occasional bout of heartburn and some tingling in my hips at night is about all I have to report. BP is great. Feeling very fortunate in this department!

Milestones I am well into my 3rd tri and time is flying. If I were to go into labor now, the baby has a 95% of survival, which is incredibly reassuring. The baby weighs around 4lbs and is about 16in. long! The movement I can see and feel is unreal!

Cravings Milk - drinking a gallon per week. YUM

Aversions - None!!!

What do I miss? Being able to go more than 1 hour without a trip to the bathroom. I tallied my bathroom trips for 24 hrs and I went 17 times!!! Being able to put my socks and shoes on comfortably.

What am I looking forward to? Working on the nursery this weekend! Putting all the baby stuff in its place. Our couple's shower in 2 weeks. Of course, meeting this little one - but not quite yet!

Weight gain - 4lbs at my 30w midwife appt. I was told to start eating more calories so I am working on it. I definitely got my fair share at my shower :)

What do we think we are having? A boy and that seemed to be the general consensus at my shower. We even got a few boy specific gifts and I am not sure why...

Signs of labor? None!!

So, that it is my update. Thank you to those of you who checked in on me during my absence! Hope you are all well.

Back to Reality

Long time, no see! So many new developments, I don't even know where to start...

We had a wonderful babymoon in Key Biscayne. We relaxed, relaxed, relaxed. We spent each day at the pool where I read my share of Sook.ie Stackhouse novels while lounging or sitting in the glorious salt water pool. I got some sun, but I was diligent with the sunscreen, shade and drinking my water. We scored some nice upgrades along the way, including an oceanfront suite with a kitchen because our room was not ready when we arrived. The kitchen was great - we went shopping the first day and stocked up on lunch stuff, snacks, soda etc... It ended up being a big budget saver. The hotel also gave us a lovely welcome basket since we were celebrating our anniversary and babymoon - 2 hats, a beach bag and a Mama Mio pregnancy relaxation candle. We had a wonderful spa pampering day too! I really enjoyed all the down time with Sean. We talked and dreamed and planned what the next phase of our lives will be like and imagined how vacation with a little one will be. It was just what we needed and I am so glad that Sean surprised me with a trip.


Another major highlight of the trip is that Sean & I got to meet Christi and her sweet baby Cate from "Our Journey". Her blog is private now, but I know many of you "know" her and her long journey to parenthood, made possible by the miracle men and women at CCRM! We met at Pan.era for a few hours and it was such a treat! Christi and I connected in the spring of 2007 during my first IVF and her 2nd. She has been a huge support of advice and support for me and it was really incredible to finally meet someone I consider such an important person in my life.


Ever since the 20w point, I feel like time in flying by! I cannot believe I am now 24w2d pregnant-that is 6 months, folks- and I have just over 15w to go! It has been a serious reality check. I think there was still some level of disbelief that I was actually having a baby any time soon, but now, I feel movement all the time, Sean can feel movement daily, my belly is growing large and you can see it move and jump and all of the sudden it just feels so real. Add on to those tangibles the fact that we start our 5 week hypnobirthing class on Thursday, we have an appt set up to interview a pediatrician, my baby shower invites go out this week, we registered the other day and the fact that the calendar reading September and I find myself in awe most days that this is my life!

While we were registering at BRU on Thursday, I was all smiles - beaming, in fact! I kept saying, I can't believe it is our turn! I can't believe we are picking out things for our baby. I can't believe in a month our home is going to be filled with baby gear and then shortly there after our very own, real live BABY, our son our daughter!!!! When did this happen? Someone pinch me please?!?!

Speaking of registering, after spending countless hours searching the internets for gender neutral bedding that fit my style, I finally picked a set from www.babybedding.com and I looooooove it! The pattern is sage damask and our nursery colors will be sage green and chocolate brown. I think the damask is feminine, but the colors and accent stripes are masculine and I am confident I can make it more of one or the other once we know if Ralphie is a he or a she. The walls in the nursery are already a khaki color and it matches quite nicely, so we have decided not to repaint at this point. Although, I must admit, visions of a sage green top wall with white chair rail and chocolate brown below the chair rail dance in my head, it really is not necessary, especially since we are leasing this home and have no idea how long we will be here. I am so excited to get started with decorating, but my furniture is still a few weeks out and my shower is not until October 25th. Patience, patience, patience!

My mom is doing an incredible job with the shower planning & I am so excited for the big day. She is using the chocolate brown and sage as the colors, my invites have a sage damask background and she has all kinds of cute ideas for centerpieces and favors. 7 weeks from today - eeek!!! Again I say, someone pinch me, please!!!

So, for your reading pleasure, my 24w update!

How am I feeling? Wonderful! I have zero complaints right now. This is definitely the honeymoon stage of pregnancy for me. I also feel really good in my own body, I am not self-conscious about my weight or how I look and that is such a great feeling. One that I have not had in a long time, thanks to my IF weight gain. I really like my pregnant body!


Milestones: 24w - otherwise known as viability day and although I take a teensy bit of comfort in that, it is not really a milestone to celebrate in my mind. We hope and pray that Ralphie stays safe and sound for many more weeks... The belly is moving from the outside! One night on vacation, we put the remote control on my belly and Ralphie was bouncing it all over the place. It was very cool :) Oh - I passed my 1 hour glucose test!!!

Cravings? Still not really having any, but I have been more interested in sweets than I was early on.

Aversions? Still have not been brave enough to try to eat chicken, although with football season upon us, some wings may be in my future!

What do I miss? A glass of wine - especially while we were on vacation.

What am I looking forward to? Our hypnobirthing classes, which start this Thursday! My shower - 7 weeks and counting!!! My first official appt with the midwives at the birthing center at the end of the month!

Weight gain - officially 3.5lbs according the the scale at my Ob's office.

What do we think we are having? Still thinking a boy. We say "he" with such certainty you would think we saw boy parts on the u/s!

So, that is what has been going on in my world. Still feeling very blessed and overjoyed. I have lots I need to say and plan to try to put it all down in the coming weeks...

Checking in and asking for support...

There has also been some very sad news in the IF/blogging community and I wanted to ask you all to support Brooke, whose 8 week old preemie, Annaleigh, grew angel wings today. Sean & I are just devastated for Brooke and Joe. Annaleigh, Charlie and Lily were born at 25w5d and have been strong little fighters each and every day. A sudden infection, called NEC, took Annaleigh from her parents and siblings at 4:30 this afternoon. I have shed so many tears for this sweet girl and her parents. I cannot even imagine what they are going through. Please visit "Three Cheers for Babies" and offer some words of comfort during their darkest of days. May Annaleigh rest in peace and be a guardian angel to those who loved her most...

Our babymoon begins tomorrow, so I will likely be MIA for the next week. I am doing well, feeling great and very much looking forward to some relaxing and romance with my wonderful husband. I hope to check in a few times, but am going to try hard to stay 'unplugged.' I wish you all a great week!
edited to update the triplets birth to 25w5d, NOT 24w3d

Two Tickets to Paradise...and pics :)

Whew! What a weekend! Friday was an absolutely wonderful day. We started the day with our level 2 ultrasound and it was amazing! Ralphie was not being overly cooperative and seemed to be having a good time hiding out behind my belly button making it difficult for the tech to get all the images she needed. She did capture some really cute images for us, but I am not sure she was able to get everything she needed of the heart and digestive tract. She said she would leave it up to the OB to decide if he needs to see more. The u/s lasted about 45 min and it was pure joy for us. She was able to go back and forth between 3D images and regular images at the click of a button, so that was pretty cool. Everything looked great to us, but what the heck do we know? I will feel assume that is the case unless I hear differently! Now for some cute pics!


These are totally Sean's legs and my BIG feet! Sean sits like this all the time. My mom said they look like boy legs all the way, and toddler legs at that. In the picture on the right, my little trouble maker appears to be giving the world the finger! Too funny! The whole room was laughing.

After our u/s we went to our favorite place for a yummy breakfast, then we headed home to freshen up. I was excited to see what my sweet hubby had in store. We had decided that we would not buy gifts this year, but we always do cards. Sean suggested we exchange cards before heading out for the afternoon. My first card was a sweet and romantic one, but the second was one of those sound cards and when I opened it, it was playing "Two Tickets to Paradise", I was laughing because I had been singing that all morning in the shower for some reason.

At this point, Sean completely shocks me by announcing that he has planned a vacation for us as an anniversary/babymoon trip. Actually, he knows what a control freak I am, so he had a few different options planned out and let me have some input on the final decision and I am really thankful that he did that.

Our options were: #1- a 9 night Caribbean cruise that went to San Juan, Dominican Republic, a private island and St. Thomas. #2 - a 7 night Bahamas/Grand Turk cruise. #3 - an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. Sean was leaning towards option #1 since it was the longest trip and best value.

So which of these amazing vacations did I choose? None of the above. I know, I am a pain in the ass! Ungrateful even! Hear me out though. We have been on a cruise before and I found it to be an ok experience. I neither loved nor hated it as far as vacations go. My biggest concern was being on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic and needing medical attention beyond what the ship infirmary could provide. The cruise lines have very strict rules about pregnant women cruising and 23w is the cut off. We would be setting sail at 23w exactly and that was ok with permission from my OB.

I called the doctor's office and they said a cruise was fine, but to be advised that I was putting myself at increased risk of H1N1 and other illnesses because of the close quarters of a cruise environment. That kind of sealed the deal for me. I know the odds of something happening are slim, but also not out of the realm of possibility and I really was not comfortable being so far from modern medical care. Things like overheating and dehydration can happen so easily at this stage of pregnancy and though they are simple to treat, they can also require fetal monitoring and testing.

I felt much the same about an all inclusive resort on an island. Slightly better than a cruise, but not exactly state of the art medical facilities in the event of an emergency. So I apologized profusely to my hubby who had spent days and weeks researching options. He completely understood and said that is why he did not just go ahead and book something without my feedback. We put our heads together and came up with a compromise and found a pretty amazing deal in the long run.

We leave in 12 days for Key Biscayne, Florida. It is a small island just outside Miami and just what we are looking for - sun, sand, pool, spa, & relaxation. We are spending 7 days being pampered and spoiled by the ladies and gentlemen of The Ritz Carlton resort. We have vacationed at other Ritz locations and it is always an incredible experience. I really cannot wait! Our flight was CHEAP and the deal at the resort was really unbeatable - our breakfast, valet parking, & internet are all included daily, we got 2 nights free and a complimentary oceanfront room upgrade. Food can definitely get pricey so we plan to head to a grocery store and stock up on water, soda, snacks, fruit, etc... We even got a heck of a deal on a rental car. We may head into Miami for a day of shopping or dining, but we plan to mostly relax, relax, relax! It may not be exactly what Sean was originally thinking but I don't think it could have worked out any better. Now we just need to hope for great weather and NO hurricanes!

Do I have an amazing husband or what??? We spent the rest of the day on Friday playing tourist in our own city and then had a yummy dinner at a new steakhouse. The rest of the weekend was busy, but nice!

Now for a 20w1d belly pic and a pregnancy update!

How am I feeling? Dare I say, great?!?! I really do feel good for the first time in months.

How do I look? Pregnant! I feel really good in my own skin though and I definitely think I have lost weight everywhere but my belly. Not a great pic of me - it is so awkward to take belly pics!


Milestones? I am more than 1/2 way!!! Sean was able to feel the baby from the outside over the weekend and I am so happy that he can finally experience it. Movement felt from the outside is so weird!

Cravings? None recently

Aversions? Chicken

What do I miss? Nothing this week - feeling very content and grateful.

What am I looking forward to? Vacation and quality time with Sean. Registering - hopefully this weekend!

Weight Gain? Down five from the flu, but seem to be back to my pre-flu weight. The OBs scale showed no weight gain last month.

What do we think we are having? My gut feeling? A BOY! I will be in shock if this is a little girl.

I haven't stopped smiling in days. Feeling so very blessed and lucky...

20w & Big U/S Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is a big day - it is our 5 year wedding anniversary and our big ultrasound! We are staying Team Green, so no big announcements tomorrow, but we are so excited to see our little Ralphie in the morning.

I am 20w today and it is crazy to think that we are halfway through this pregnancy! What a milestone!

We both took the day off tomorrow and Sean has all kinds of plans that I am not privy to yet. He did send me a lovely bouquet of daisies today - the official flower of 5 year anniversaries apparently :) He is the sweetest!

I am feeling pretty close to 100% - thanks for all the care and concern. I think I might still be in rehydration mode though - very thirsty!

Despite my excitement about tomorrow, it cannot erase the sadness and grief I feel for Mo & Will.

How incredibly unfair & devastating. Please visit and lend some support.

Operation Rehydration

The stomach flu and pregnant women do not mix! I don't remember being this sick in a very long time.

Thank goodness Sean and I planned a relaxing weekend catching up on Tr.ue Blood thanks to a free HBO promotion because I felt blah from the moment I woke up on Sunday morning. I was kind of gaggy and I thought my 2 week streak with no morning sickness was coming to an end. I got on the couch and had a bout of diarrhea around 11am and it was all downhill from there. The vomiting began a little while later and just did not stop. I could not keep anything down at all - not water or gatorade or broth. It was a very long day and night.

I called the OB around dinner time and he wasn't too concerned. He said it sounded like a 24 hr bug and that I was ok just sipping on whatever fluid I could muster until it passed. He said if it went beyond 24hrs with no fluids or if I spiked a high fever, I should come into L&D. He advised me to avoid all solids and to try some Immo.dium for some relief. He also gave me the option of coming right into L&D and getting and IV and some anti-nausea meds. I wanted to avoid the hospital, so I told him I would stick it out.

I finally stopped vomiting around 8pm, but the diarrhea continued all night long, every hour on the hour until I finally took the Immo.dium around 4am. I was trying to let it run it course without taking anything, but by 4am, I was feeling a little nervous and so very exhausted. It helped and I was able to sleep for a few hours. I was even able to munch on some ice chips and saltines at that point.

I felt much better when I got up this morning, but, I lost 5lbs in the past 24hrs! My fever broke overnight and I have been able to drink and hold down some Gat.orade and saltines. I feel hung over, sore and beat up.

Today's mission is Operation Rehydration!