One of the best days of my life!

I'm back! No excuses, just a terrible blogging slump. Life certainly has been eventful in the almost 2 months since I have graced you with my presence. Time continues to fly by and tomorrow I will be 32 weeks pregnant! Can you even believe it? This little one will be here sooner than later, but hopefully right on time.

One of the biggest events in my life in the past few months was my baby shower! I can honestly say it was of the best days of my life - right up there with our wedding day and the day we found out we were pregnant. Sunday could not have been more perfect. My mom, my aunt, my childhood best friend and my mother-in-law were our hostesses and they did an amazing job. Everything was just perfect. The colors were sage green and chocolate brown to match our bedding, which I changed since my last post. I ended up going with Carter's Elephant Stitch bedding and I love it! The food was yummy, the favors were adorable and the cake - oh my goodness - it was the talk of the town! The favors were baby food jars with green and brown M&Ms, wrapped in tulle with green and brown ribbon and a little elephant tag. The centerpieces were mums and everything coordinated beautifully!

We were so blessed by the generosity of our family and friends. Little Ralphie is already one spoiled little babe. It is crazy to look around and have all this baby stuff in my house!!! The nursery furniture will be here a week from Saturday and then we can really get down to business.

Some of the highlights from my shower were the cake, which I really cannot say enough about, and some really touching personal gifts. Sean's Aunt Kathleen in Ireland was famous for her gorgeous baby blankets and sweaters. She was sick with cancer for many years and passed away the day after our wedding almost 6 years ago. Little did we know she had already made us a sweater and blanket and set them aside. Imagine our surprise to open such a beautiful package at our shower. The tears were flowing...The sweater and blanket are just gorgeous. I do not have a good photo of them, but I will try to remember to take a photo and share it. Along those same lines, my Great Aunt Sara has been in failing health for some time, and shortly after our wedding she began making us a gorgeous blanket. She was able to attend the shower, but her health is poor. Her daughter said this blanket is her last. Finally, Amanda who is 29w pregnant and now living in Maine (sniff) was unable to make the trip but it didn't stop her from sending me an amazing package from Piecemeal People. She made me a pair of elephants which match the bedding to a T and an incredible piece which says "hope". It is just amazing and captures perfectly this journey. Many of you may remember that we coined 2009 "The Year of Hope" and so it has been. The addition of "hope" to the nursery could not be more fitting. All in all, I could not have asked for a more special day.

A 32w update:

How am I feeling? Fantastic! An occasional bout of heartburn and some tingling in my hips at night is about all I have to report. BP is great. Feeling very fortunate in this department!

Milestones I am well into my 3rd tri and time is flying. If I were to go into labor now, the baby has a 95% of survival, which is incredibly reassuring. The baby weighs around 4lbs and is about 16in. long! The movement I can see and feel is unreal!

Cravings Milk - drinking a gallon per week. YUM

Aversions - None!!!

What do I miss? Being able to go more than 1 hour without a trip to the bathroom. I tallied my bathroom trips for 24 hrs and I went 17 times!!! Being able to put my socks and shoes on comfortably.

What am I looking forward to? Working on the nursery this weekend! Putting all the baby stuff in its place. Our couple's shower in 2 weeks. Of course, meeting this little one - but not quite yet!

Weight gain - 4lbs at my 30w midwife appt. I was told to start eating more calories so I am working on it. I definitely got my fair share at my shower :)

What do we think we are having? A boy and that seemed to be the general consensus at my shower. We even got a few boy specific gifts and I am not sure why...

Signs of labor? None!!

So, that it is my update. Thank you to those of you who checked in on me during my absence! Hope you are all well.

So much to say

I know, I know, I disappeared again and for a long time. I am so sorry! On an almost daily basis I think about something to blog about, but I never actually sit down to write. I want to, I really do!

We have been pretty busy this summer - weddings, parties, cookouts, traveling to Buffalo etc... We spent the holiday weekend in Buffalo celebrating our Goddaughters' birthday parties and attending a family reunion on my Dad's side. It was a great trip and a wonderful reminder of how much love and support is awaiting this baby. We received some adorable baby gifts. My mom bought some super cute sleepers and onesies and my aunt from Ireland knitted a beautiful blanket and hat. It was exciting to get our first gifts!!! My mom also won one of those small, Fl.ip video cameras at a golf tournament and she gave it to Sean as a Father's Day gift. It is so cool! It is an HD video camera that is the size of a digital camera. Perfect for posting cute videos of the baby! All in all, it was a wonderful weekend and reinforced to us that Buffalo is where we want to raise our family.

Our plan is still to move back home and we are thinking it might be a possibility in about a year or so, but it really depends on Sean's new job and whether or not they can work out way from him to telecommute. Now that my mom is awaiting the birth of her first (and possibly only) grandchild she is anxious for us to come home, or else she said she might have to move here! That would be incredible, but we ultimately want to be back in Buffalo with our entire family.

Speaking of the grandparents, my mom, step dad and Sean's parents have booked their flights to come down for Ralphie's birth!!! Even though it is still months down the line, my Christmas Eve due date really complicates travel arrangements. Sou.thwest had $49 flights and they book really fast due to the holiday, so when they saw available, cheap flights they booked them. They are all going to arrive on 12/23 - one day before my EDD. My in laws are planning to stay one week and my parents are staying two. There is really no way to predict if the baby will come early, late or right on time. We figured at least, they have their tickets and if I go early, they can always exchange them. If I go late, they are already here to celebrate the holiday and if I am right on time - even better! Driving really wasn't an option because Sean's mom hates traveling by car (the women has panic attacks in the car for 20mins, let alone 7 hours) and the weather in December is too unpredictable going through those mountains in PA. I wasn't crazy about my mom driving like a maniac trying to make it in time & running the risk of missing the birth all together if I went fast, they hit bad weather etc... I feel better knowing they have a plan!

In other baby news, Sean & I have started really thinking about our major baby purchases. We spent all day Saturday at Great Beginnings (rated as one of the best baby stores in the country by B.aby Bargains) near DC and it was so much fun. Overwhelming, but fun. The place is HUGE! The furniture showroom was incredible - they must have had 75 nursery sets on the floor. Every name brand and some hard to find ones too. We have narrowed our furniture choices down to two and hope to order in the next two weeks. The salespeople were incredible. They were truly experts in their field. Looking at car seats and strollers was like shopping for a new car - the salespeople were that knowledgeable about the products. Getting close to making a decision there to - I am thinking stroller frame and either the Gra.co Snugride or Chi.cco Keyfit. After seeing the installation demo in store, I am leaning more towards the keyfit at this point. Gender neutral bedding is proving to be difficult and I have a possibility in mind, but want to go look at fabric as well. We are going to register right after our big u/s in a few weeks!

My family has booked my shower for October 25th and it feels like that is going to be here before we know it! I feel like time is flying by now that I am in the 2nd tri and there is so much to do to get ready for this little one's arrival. I can't wait to start pulling it all together!

I am officially 16w4d pregnant and here is a recent rundown.

How am I feeling? Still vomiting. It is less frequent - only once a week or so now, but I wish it would stop for good. I feel like I have more energy, but can still sleep like a champ. I am finally off progesterone and estr.ace and am having massive mood swings. I am not sure if it has anything to do with being off the meds, or if it is just pregnancy, but it has hit me hard. I have been pretty even keeled up until the past few days and now my hormones are all over the place. Mad, sad, angry, happy, giddy...all in the span of a few minutes. Poor Sean!

How do I look? Pregnant. Perhaps I will post a belly pic in coming weeks. My family was surprised how much my belly had changed since Memorial day weekend. I don't feel like my body is changing anywhere else - just a round belly and bigger boobs.

Milestones? I *think* I may have felt movement a few days ago, but I cannot be sure. I was sound asleep and had been laying on my right side for about 6 hours straight. I was just stirring because I had to pee and roll over. As a rolled over to my left side, it felt like something did a huge somersault in my belly. My eyes flew wide open and my hand went right to my belly. I have never felt anything like it, but I haven't felt it since either, so I am really not sure. I am anxious to feel movement more frequently though!

What is Ralphie up to? Growing so big and strong! He or she is the size of an avocado - far cry from my little poppy seed - and weighs almost 4oz. He or she is urinating, has taste buds, is hiccuping, may be sucking its thumb and moving like crazy.

What am I craving? Potbelly Italian Sandwiches - YUM! Subway Veggie Subs.

Aversions? Chicken

What do I miss? Wine. A perfectly chilled glass of white wine on a hot summer's night. A rich pinot noir with a steak fresh off the grill.

What am I looking forward to? More movement, registering, ordering the furniture, and starting the nursery.

Weight gain? Officially, just 1lb. That is according to my OBs scale, but I did not have my first appt with them until 8w and between 4-8w I gained 3-4 lbs. So, unofficially, I am up closer to 5lbs, both me and my OB are fine with it.

What am I reading? What to Expect..., Your Preg. Week by Week, Bab.y Bargains, and Ina May's Guide to Chi.ldbirth.

Speaking of Ina May's book, although I like my OB practice, I am planning on touring a birthing center in the next few weeks. I have always wanted to experience natural childbirth and based on a few of the docs comments, I am not sure how supportive they would be. Additionally, Sean is concerned about how far my OB and the hospital is - almost in hour in no traffic and good weather. The birthing center and the hospital they are affiliated with are only 15 minutes away. I am planning a more detailed post on this topic in the future.

I think that wraps things up - sorry so long, this what happens when it has been 3 weeks since I last updated! Oh! One last thing, please stop by Meinsideout's blog and wish her HUGE congratulations! She is one of the biggest cheerleaders in the blogosphere and she has good news to share. She could also use thoughts, prayers and good vibes that this is her sticky miracle.

FET Madness - Day 18 - Thaw Day

This morning I had to go feed the vampires to have my P4 checked. While we were there I asked if our embryologist was available to talk to us about the thaw. She came right out & said she had good news to report - all 6 frosties survived the thaw! Sean cracked a joke and said, "Yeah, we're from Buffalo. They like the cold." :)

She went on to explain that their definition of a successful thaw is if 50% of the embryo's original cell mass survives. All 6 passed with flying colors! Some maintained 100% of their cells and most lost just one cell. I don't have the specs in front of me, but we have 6 embies ranging from 5 cells - 10 cells. They do not grade them at this early stage, but they were all good quality going into the freezer. We get our next report @ 11am tomorrow! That report will dictate whether we go for transfer on Tues or Weds. We are getting excited!

I am feeling pretty good, but a few side effects are creeping up on me. The bloat has set in & I have been having a touch of insomnia from the prednisone. I started the doxy antiobiotic this morning and had a bit of heart burn from that. Of course, I am a goopy mess from the Endometrin. JOY! Ah well, I will take this any day over the stress and crummy side effects of a fresh cycle.

I do not think I am going to make my weight loss goal of 20lbs before transfer and I have made peace with that. I am still holding on @ 16lbs lost and I feel good about it. I kinda hit a plateau the last 3 weeks and the meds are not making it easy this time - I think it is the addition of the steroids.

In other related news, we had an interesting weekend. A good friend of mine (I wrote about her pg announcement here) had her baby on Friday afternoon and we decided to be brave and head to the hospital to visit with the new family on Saturday. I knew I was in the right mindset to do it and I really wanted to be there. I wasn't sure how I might be feeling about going during the 2ww hell or god-forbid after a negative beta, so I figured a visit now when I am feeling happy & hopeful was a good thing. I am glad we went. The baby is beautiful and I am so happy for E & S. It felt good to snuggle a newborn for a little bit and let myself pretend this might be us in 9 months or so...

The night the baby was born, I received a special message from Jeanine, an acquaintance E & I both have in common. We both taught her boys in elementary school and have stayed in touch over the years via fac.ebook. Jeanine struggled with multiple miscarriages almost 20 years ago and now has a beautiful family and is one of the kindest women I know. She took a moment out of her day to send me this message:

Hi!! Thinking about you tonight--I know when we were having trouble holding onto pregnancies, it was always hard when our friends had babies--even though we were so happy for them it made us yearn for a baby that much more! I know it won't be long until we are sending well wishes your way! Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and can't wait to celebrate your little miracle!! Keep good thoughts!!!

It was one of the sweetest and most touching things anyone outside of my immediate circle has ever said to me. I was bawling when I read it. It was so amazing to know someone was thinking of me and my struggle at a time when we were all celebrating E & S and their new baby. I was over the moon for E & S, but it was bittersweet too, which I know I don't have to explain to anyone reading. I feel blessed to have such a wide network of love and support. Jeanine sent me another touching message today to say how excited she was to hear about the thaw. She just totally gets it, she has never forgotten pain and loss even though it was more than 20 years ago. She touched my heart this weekend.

Lots more to say, but I am pooped! I will save it for tomorrow's frostie update.

Thinking of my little embies tonight and hoping they are warm and toasty and growing so big & strong. Can't wait to bring them home...

FET Madness - Day 12

Nothing really new to report in FET-ville. On Saturday, I ramped up the Estrace to 3x per day & will stay at this dosage until my u/s on Wednesday morning. Feeling pretty normal, the night sweats have been rare and the Estrace has not zapped my se.x drive like it did during the mock. Ah, well the Endometrium suppositories will surely take care of that!

We ended up heading to Buffalo this past weekend to spend some time with the family before Donna's surgery. It was nice to see everyone and catch up. It was a lot of driving and a lot of visiting in 48 hours & I am pooped! I was so ready to head home yesterday. Sean said he was sick of talking and I agreed, but we still managed to find plenty to chat about on the 7 hour drive home.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my sister-in-law's surgery. Keep 'em coming! Her surgery tomorrow is early in the afternoon and will last a few hours. Our prayer right now is that they do not need to take out the entire colon and that the mass is benign. Even if those things are true, it is still a difficult surgery and she faces a lengthy recovery.

As for me, I am still full of hope. Probably more so than at any other time since our first IVF. I have been blessed by many wonderful friendships on this journey and two of those women were my angels this cycle. Jill & Christi both sent me meds for my FET. Seeing has how they are both happy & healthy pregnant women (Christi - expecting a girl in July!!! Jill - expecting twin boys shortly thereafter!!!), I am hoping some of their pregnancy mojo rubs off on me! Thank you ladies, your friendships mean the world to me and the meds were a generous gift! I hope to pay it forward someday (SOON)!

Hoping for a great lining check on Wednesday and looking forward to transfer (hopefully) at the end of the week/early next week. I am a little nervous about the thaw - how many will make it? Will the survivors thrive? Will we get any to our goal of blasts? Will they make it to transfer? How many? Trying to not focus too much on those things right now and just take it one day at a time.

Feel free to share your FET stories when you comment & please stop by Sprogblogger's blog and wish her a giant congratulations - a SURPRISE BFP while waiting for her FET! She is now the stuff of Internet legends - mosey on over and read her amazing story!! I do hope she bought a lottery ticket...

FET Madness Day 5

Nothing too crazy going on. 4 doses of Estrace down and I was not having any side effects until last night when I woke up soaked to the bone. Ahhh...night sweats. Lovely.

We had a delightful weekend - fun, friends, food and relaxing. I maxed out on caffeine, spl.enda, red wine, sodium and nitrates. I probably gained 5lbs! I am back on the straight and narrow and off all the bad stuff - I am 5 days pregnant after all and wouldn't want to harm the frosties! Still my goal to be down 20lbs before transfer, so I've got some work to do.

The kids I tutor for are done with Spring Break, so it is back to regularly scheduled programming for me. I was really loving being home in the evenings with Sean - it is such a foreign concept to us. He has always worked super long days and would rarely get home before 9:30 and I usually tutor until around 9 myself. With spring break and Sean's new work schedule, we were beside ourselves! Oh well, only 3 more months of school and then on to summer schedule tutoring.

We are likely heading to Buffalo this weekend. Sean's oldest sister is having half of her colon removed on the 31st and the whole family is pretty stressed and nervous. We would like to spend some quality time with everyone before the surgery. We are praying for a good outcome and a speedy recovery for her!

Trying to focus on all positive things right now! I am so happy Spring is here and am anxiously awaiting warmer weather, flip flops and capris! The next month should fly by - we have a lot going on - Buffalo, transfer, family visiting for Easter, hopefully a BFP... (a girl can dream, can't she?)

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!

The Baby Shower

Saturday was my good friend's baby shower. I chose to go because I wanted to be there to celebrate with a dear friend and her family. I knew it would be tough, but I tried to steel myself before arriving. I decided to carpool with another friend for a little moral support of my own.

In some ways it was harder than I thought it would be, but it wasn't tough in the ways I expected. I thought the cutesy baby games, the gushing over tiny pink outfits and the incessant newborn chatter would leave me gritting my teeth and fighting back tears. I was wrong, it was the small quiet moments that had me fighting tears and needing to step outside to get myself together.

The first moment was when my friend and her hubby arrived. You would think the sight of her big, beautiful belly would have gotten me; but no, it was the way her husband beamed with adoration when he looked at her, the way his hand lingered on her belly when he hugged her goodbye. It was the way they looked so full of joy, so full of life and expectation. My breath caught in my throat when I realized that might never be us. Sean & I may never have the opportunity to walk into our shower surrounded by the love and generosity of family and friends - smiling, happy, joyful. He may never see me pregnant, swollen, glowing, brimming with life. His hand may never rest on my belly feeling our baby kick and move within. My heart broke a little more imagining how empty our lives would always feel.

More sadness came when I saw how proud her mom was to be a first time grandmother. She made them 3 handmade beautiful quilts - one for home and one for each gramma's house. She was beaming and so very excited about all the memories to be made with her grandchildren. I am an only child, my mom wants to be a gramma almost as much as I want to be a mommy. I want her to revel in the joy of being the expectant grandmother at her daughter's shower. I want her to pamper and protect me when I am 8 months pregnant. I want to share that bond with her and yet I need to come to terms with what might never be...

There used to be a time when I went to baby showers and could easily imagine what mine would be like, what it would be like to be pregnant, decorate a nursery, ooooh and ahhh over tiny little outfits and for the first time, it all seemed so foreign to me. Just more what ifs...

Despite my sadness and wallowing in my own self pity, I managed to make it through and even marginally enjoy myself. I am truly happy for my friend and am glad that I was able to celebrate this milestone with her.

The highlight? My gift was a hit! I managed to avoid Ba.bies R U.S by having Amanda make custom artwork to match the baby's nursery. I think she did an amazing job and the artwork was the talk of the shower. Click here to see more of her work, and in her words, "If you can dream it, I can glue it!"

That's Our Story And We're Sticking To It!!

Sean and the guys are playing cards and having a few beers. Sean decided to casually ask what time they are thinking about getting on the road. They said 9ish. Sean dropped his voice and said, "Well, Emily is having a little procedure tomorrow -you know 'female stuff' -and we have to get on the road kinda early. Not sure when we'll be home or how she'll be feeling, so I hope you don't mind seeing yourselves out. Em feels really bad about not being here and she didn't even want to have to tell anyone she was having another procedure, so let's not bring it up at all..."

Something to that effect anyway. They bought it hook, line and sinker! They are men after all and they are drinking beer and any talk of "female stuff" freaks them right out. Hopefully they don't run home and tell the wifeys because then it will be 20 questions. Oh well, buys me a few days anyway! Thanks for all the ideas!

They had a fantastic time at the Navy vs. Notre Dame game today and a great visit overall. I, on the other hand, am ready to have my house back. From left to right - my father in law -Chuck, my hubby, my nephew -Vinny and brother-in-law- Dave

I am feeling ready for tomorrow. Feeling hopeful and optimistic. I have fingers crossed for at least 8. The most we have had is 11. We have always had all but one or two mature and our fertilization rates hover around 95%, so I am hoping for more of the same. Is that asking too much!

I feel really good today. Usually the day after trigger is terrible for me - sore, bloated, nauseous, but I feel damn near 100% today. Sleepy though. I have always done Novarel in the past and this was generic - I have no idea if that is making any difference or if my e2 being lower is playing a part, but I will take it.

I have been really wanting to post something more heartfelt and emotional, but I think all the testosterone in my house is killing my creativity! I can't truly let myself feel everything going on in my head or heart right now; it's a slippery slope and I am trying to create the appearance of normalcy for tonight. More time to reflect in the coming weeks.

In other news, I hope you will join me in welcoming my best friend, Amanda, to the blogging world. She launched her blog today and could use some positive feedback. Her blog, Piecemeal People, is her forum to introduce the super cute mosaic art she creates. Her work is original and adorable and 100% customizable. I hope you will visit her link and be inspired. One warning - she is a mom and children are mentioned on her site. Also, her work on display right now is very "child" orientated, but she does other stuff too!

I have already hired her to make a monogram for my 16 year old niece and nursery artwork for my goddaughters' Christmas gifts. I had the pleasure of receiving a portrait of Sean & I for my college graduation gift and everybody comments on it when they see it for the first time.

Amanda is my chosen family. She is as close to a sister to me as I've ever known. She is an ENORMOUS source of support for me and I hope to be the same for her as she ventures into a new exciting phase in her life. Thanks for taking a minute to visit her link and browse her work.

I am off to have a cup of peppermint tea, read some of Eclipse and head to bed. 4am comes awfully quick. I'll update tomorrow!!! Thanks again for all your support!