FET Madness - Transfer Day!!!

Transfer day is my favorite day of an entire cycle - I always feel so peaceful, content, hopeful and optimistic. I have my embies back home and that is the best feeling!

We called in this morning to discuss how many to transfer & the embryologist said there really wasn't much to decide on - we had 2 blasts and they recommended transferring both. Sounded good to us, but we are neurotic and had a billion more questions for her.

She explained that our mediocre blast from yesterday had actually expanded more and improved slightly though they were grading it a 4CC. You can read more about blast grading here, if you want to know more. 4 being pretty good, but the C's not so much. She said that they are changing so rapidly at this point that there could be improvement before transfer. They would be performing Assisted Hatching on this little guy to help him along.

The 2nd blast to transfer was a 6 BC - 6 being the best possible score. It was awarded this high score because it had already hatched on its own!!! Mommy & Daddy are so proud of you!

Another early blast had formed and they wanted to watch it for possible freeze, while the other early blast from yesterday had failed to progress.

We headed in with a full bladder for transfer at 11:30. Sean & I were feeling giddy with excitement that after 3 failed IVFs, we actually had some blasts to transfer. This is the furthest we have ever gotten and after a few anxious days, we are over the moon to have some blasts to put back!

Here's a couple pics of me before leaving for transfer today. The second one is me looking puffy and awful and downright giddy, but Sean says is cracks him up because it totally captures my joy over these little blasts. The first is of me and Libby, our first born, our best girl, the light of our lives...

They had more good news for us when we arrived, our little 4CC was changing and after using AH, they had improved their grade to a BC! While we are trying not to get too caught up in the grading system, we were still thrilled to see improvement. I have transferred perfect embryos before with no implantation and know of plenty of woman who have transferred ugly little ones and ended up pregnant with one, two or more. I am just beyond excited to have blasts - ugly, beautiful or anything in between!

Transfer was ultrasound guided and smooth as can be. Sean was able to come back with me and hold my hand the entire time, which was such a nice treat. Our clinic does not have private rooms for transfer, so if there is anyone is recovery from ER or also having ET, no husbands can come back for privacy reasons. We were late enough in the morning that it was pretty empty so we had the space all to ourselves.

Dr. P was thrilled that we had met our goal and grown 2 multi cells out to blast stage. He was optimistic and wished us well. The embryologist spent some more time talking with us and said they were really happy with the progression of the embryos and she put our odds of pregnancy around 40% or better. She said success rates for a regular FET with a multi celled embryo or thawed blast would be around 20%, so we effectively doubled our chances by getting the little ones to blast. She said it was as close to fresh cycle odds as we could get with the added benefit of FET being a much more natural state for the body to be in.

We got to see some pics of the blasts, though we did not ask to take them home. The clinic team has their own superstitions and they don't like to give pics to patients until a positive beta. In cycles 1 & 2, we bucked their system and took the pics, but this time, we are going with the flow and being superstitious right along with them :) We are nicknaming the blasts, but are torn between Jack & Diane and Ben & Jerry. Love them both. Thoughts?

I laid there for 30 minutes and was in agony by the end - I had to pee SO freaking bad it hurt. My blood work was in by time we left and my E2 was 249 and my P4 was 15.2. The nurse said those were perfect, though my P4 dropped off about 5 points since Weds, but if they are not worried, I am not worried. Anyone know what they like them to be at this stage of an FET?

I spent the ride home reclined in my seat and Sean has been pampering all day - he picked up white pizza and Greek salad for lunch which was yummy! He also bought me my favorite yogurt, fresh pineapple and bananas. I plan to stay flat on the couch all day today and probably tomorrow as well. The embryologist said my implantation window is 24-48 hours, so I should take it easy for the time being. We have a busy weekend ahead, so I plan to rest up while I can.

All in all, a very good day. Wishing my amazing husband, Sean, a very Happy Birthday today and hoping I can give him the greatest gift of all this year... I LOVE YOU!

Thank you ladies - your strength & support amazes me daily!

Beta in 8 days!

FET Madness - Day 20 - Still Growing

Transfer was a no-go for today. When we called to check in the embryologist said she was "on the fence" and wanted another look at them. She called us back 45 minutes later and said we would wait until tomorrow to transfer.

We had 1 fully formed blast but she said the quality was "mediocre." We also have 2 early blasts that she said showed promise. The remaining 3 have shown some progress, but they are not expecting much.

She feels that by waiting until day 6, we will have the full picture and hopefully a better selection of the blasts and some good quality stand outs.

I asked if this was a bad thing and she said, "Not at all. Day 6 is a common transfer day for FETs. The embryos can be slow to wake up as a result of the trauma of freezing."

I asked if we run the risk of losing them in the next 24 hours and she promised me a blast to transfer tomorrow. That is totally out of her control, but I do trust her!

That was about the extent of things. I call tomorrow @ 10am to chat with Dr. P about how many to put in and transfer is scheduled for 11:30!

Sean is excited that he gets to celebrate his birthday by bringing "home" the embies and having a stay at home day :)

I managed to score a haircut and pedi for today - treating myself to some spoiling! We have family coming in for Easter so I have some loose ends to tie up anyway. Looks to be a busy day after all! Thanks for all the support and good vibes!

Grow little ones, grow!

FET Madness - Day 19 - Growth Report

Today's call from the embryologist revealed that 2 of our embies are compacting and on their way to *hopefully* becoming blasts. One more is growing sloooooowly and the remaining 3 have yet to progress.

I remain hopeful for our 2 little strong ones to keep on doing their thing and grow big & strong.

I am a little sad for the ones that are left behind, but I fully expected there to be a drop off today.

The embryologist wants one more peek at them before deciding if tomorrow is the big day, so we call in the morning for the final decision. I am really hoping tomorrow is the day.

I would be lying if I said the nerves weren't kicking in a little bit. Going into the FET, I knew our goal was to have 2 of the 6 get to blast and while we seem to be on track for that, anything can still happen. 2 is such a small number in the grand scheme of things and a lot can happen to those little embies in the next 15 hours....Wishing, hoping and praying that those are our miracles in a petri dish!

We spent all of Sunday doing major spring cleaning and it felt so good to scrub, organize, air out and get rid of some clutter. We filed lots of paper work as well and I really felt like we got rid of some N.U.T.S - nagging unfinished tasks that were causing us STRESS! I told Sean over dinner that the cleaning was therapeutic for me. I felt like we were clearing out all the old energy and opening ourselves up to new, positive energy. Opening up channels for the Chi to flow - our hearts, minds, home and body are all open to accepting these embryos and the new life they bring.

We went out for chinese food and our fortune cookies both had the same message:
"All your hard work will soon pay off."

At the beginning of this FET, we went to P.F. Cha.ngs for lunch & my fortune read:
"Bide your time, for success is near."

Hoping, hoping, hoping!

FET Madness - Day 14: Ultrasound Day!

Today was "do or die" for my uterine lining. I was a little worried that the universe might throw a little April Fool's Day shenanigan my way just to spite recent hopeful mood. Alas, karma (and Estrace) have been good to me and my lining was a 10 today, a "perfect 10" in the words of Dr. P. and blood work confirmed that I have not ovulated (for once this is a desired outcome). My prolactin is also back into the normal range after being off meds for awhile - yay! All is well and we are ready to get this show on the road!

Tomorrow: begin Endometrin suppositories and Prednisone.

Sunday: Thaw Day!! Blood work to check P4 levels.

Monday: Embie report - our goal: grow those little guys to blast

Tuesday/Wednesday: Stand by for transfer!

Beta: April 16th - it seems so close!!!

I love that my transfer will be on either Tuesday or Weds, both are good days in my world. Tuesday is the birthday of a dear woman, Carol, who was like another 'mom' to me growing up. She passed away in 1992, but I celebrate her birthday every year. Sometimes Sean even brings me yellow tulips (her favorite) to remember her. Wednesday is Sean's birthday and special to me for obvious reasons. I am always looking for signs and symbols and these dates are good stuff in my book!

Still feeling hopeful, happy and in a good, positive state of mind. I very well know that this might not work either, but that's ok. I need to take that option off the table right now and just focus on the good stuff.

The Year of Hope? Yeah, I'm feeling it...

Triple Threat

We are home from transfer and we have 3 embies safe and warm!!!

It was a long day. We made sure we were scent free (per lab instructions, embryos cringe at scent), we left the house at 1:45pm and arrived in DC around 2:45. I was told to arrive with a full bladder and then had to sit in the waiting room for 1 hour! I thought my bladder might burst.

We were brought back to the transfer room and the Dr. went over our Day 3 report.

1 @ 8 cell, grade 1 - "perfect"

2 @ 5 cell grade 3 - slow growing/mid grade

1 @ 3 cell - don't know grade. I assuming a 5 - poor.

Dr. Transfer and the embryologist initially recommended tx 2, but Sean & I had already decided that if our report was still less then stellar, we were not settling for 2. Given the 2 embryos at only 5 cell (they should have been between 6 & 8 today)- we requested transferring 3. We explained that it was our 3rd cycle, (which this dr. and embryologist were not aware of) and that we were disappointed in our fert. report and embryo growth/quality.

Dr. Transfer said she understood and then gave us the spiel about risks of triplet pregnancy and asked if we conceived triplets, if we would be willing to consider selective reduction. We said we could not make that decision now, but if that ended up being the case we would seek out the best doctors and take everything under advisement. Dr. Transfer said she wanted to speak with the embryologist and fill her in on our history and see if she could contact our Dr.

The embryologist thought it was more than reasonable to do 3 given our history and Dr. M said to remind me that I was young and to make sure that I was given all the facts, but that he was ultimately ok with it, if it was what we wanted.

Dr. Transfer asked us to consider which outcome we could "live with". #1 - not tx 3, cycle fails, we are devastated and always asking ourselves if we made a mistake. OR #2 we get pg with 3 and have to weigh our options. Sean & I looked at each other and both knew the pain of another failed cycle would just bring too much pain and too many 'what ifs.' If it were to transpire that all three implanted, we will take one day at a time and seek out the best information we can.

3 it was! Assisted Hatching was performed and the embies were transferred into my beautiful triple striped uterus with a whoosh!

We just couldn't imagine choosing between the two 5 cells and having to leave one behind to likely arrest or be donated to science.

There seemed to be a theme of 3 today. It was IVF #3, a 3dt, we were scheduled for 3:15, we were put in room 3 (which we realized on the way out), my triple striped uterus, the artwork in the room was arranged in threes, & the 3 embies. Three was everywhere! We are big on symbols so we of course took it as a sign that we made the right decision! :p

Speaking of signs, one of my IVF anthems is Journey's "Don't Stop Believin" and it was the last song on the radio when we got the the clinic and the first song on when Sean flipped the channel when we got back in the car! Too funny.

I am on strict bed rest for 24 hours and then have to take it very easy for 2-3 more days. My beta is scheduled for December 4th which seems late to us, but one day at a time!

There is no better feeling then having your embryos back home safe and warm. I am hopeful. I am at peace. I am more than content with our decision.

I am warm and toasty on the couch. Sean is spoiling me and the embies rotten and Libby is snuggled up keeping us warm. I have fresh pineapple from Whole Foods, a pomegranate, & pomegranate juice all on the menu over the next few days. I bought Breaking Dawn this morning and plan to crack it open in a few. Looking forward to the next few days!

Thanks for all the wishes and good vibes today. I felt the love!

For now, I am thoroughly enjoying being "pregnant until proven otherwise!"

A New Day

It is the morning of transfer and I am feeling much better. I needed to work through my emotions, anxiety and disappointment yesterday, but today I am ready, I am hopeful and I am exuding peace and trust.

All of your kind words and understanding helped me get over the worst of it. I did my IVF meditation and it helped me let go of the negativity as well. Dr. M called me at home to see how I was doing. He told me that there has been a lot of good things about this cycle and asked me to trust and have faith at this point. He said I have age on my side and hopefully a good embryo or 2 to work with...

I am usually one of the most positive people you will ever meet and I hate being in the dark place I was yesterday.

Transfer is at 3:15! For now, I am off to Barnes to pick up Breaking Dawn and B.lockbuster to pick up movies for bed rest. I will meditate one more time and Sean & I will get on the road. I am ready to being my embies home! Dr. M mentioned that if there are 2 good ones, he will be a big advocate of only tx those 2, Sean is pushing for 3. We'll see when we get there and take everything into consideration before we decide.

Thank you again for all the positive, supportive, hopeful words.

"Anxiety is space between 'now' and 'then'." ~ Richard Abell.

Not the news I was hoping for...

The bad news just keeps coming. There is no hope of a 5 day transfer for me, in fact, I am a little nervous that there is a possibility of no transfer at all. My Day 2 report is awful:

1 @ 4 cell
1@ 3 cell
1 @ 2 cell
2 with no growth - possibly arresting.

I have never had anything like it. I know I can't keep looking back, but I also cannot deny that something has not worked with this cycle. Sean & I have always made amazing embryos. Embryologists oooh and ahhh over the beauties we make. We always have many to choose from and some to freeze. This time, not so much!

I am guessing my eggs hated the Ganirelix. Everything else was the same, except for that. I knew early on when I was stimming too fast that this protocol may not have been the answer.

My nurse said they will likely be able to do the Assisted Hatching and that they will discuss the option of putting back 3 given the crappiness of the situation.

I am mad, sad, angry, disappointed. I cried and sobbed and yelled and proclaimed my hatred for infertility.

I know it only takes one.
I know that some of the ugliest cycles produce beautiful happy endings.
I know I should not give up.
I know that each cycle is different.
I know this is the chance you take when you switch clinics and change protocols.
I know that I am "ahead of the game" because my polyp was found and removed by this clinic and no longer taking up a 1/3 of my uterus.
I know that even though this cycle is crazy, I am still at a wonderful clinic.
I know that this is not the end.
I know that I could have beautiful 8 cell embryos tomorrow.
I know if it is bad news in the end, we will try again.
I know that right now, this hurts like hell...

Tomorrow, I will put my hopeful, positive, optimist hat on and walk into transfer with a smile. I will welcome my embies home and try to provide them with the best possible environment and hope and pray for the best, but for today, I need to work through this.