6 weeks

Once again, thank you so much for your responses. Thank you for sharing your experiences and your advice with me. I love how so many new people are coming out of lurker status to comment!

We have decided to wait until Tuesday for the u/s. It is more of a "trusting my gut" thing than anything else, but, the fact that if we didn't see a heartbeat, I would be stuck in limbo for an entire week helped me make a decision because I think that would be worse than waiting until Tuesday. I will be anxiously counting down the moments, but it will be here soon enough, I guess.

I have been taking it very easy since Monday, probably unnecessarily so, but I have not had anything pressing going on, so why not? My anxiety level is way down, but I am not quite back to the happy-go-lucky, little ray of sunshine that I was last week either. I will feel 100% better after the u/s.

I am done with PIO and back on Endometrin suppositories and really hoping that going back to supps doesn't stir up the bleeding. We had an insurance lapse while we were waiting for COBRA to kick in and Endometrin was CRAZY expensive and we already had PIO at home. 2ccs of PIO nightly is really tough on the muscles though and my nurse was anxious for me to get back to the supps ASAP. My butt and hips are sore and I suspect they will be for awhile. Sean is the master shot giver and they never hurt going in, but the effect is cumulative.

I am 6 weeks today and Baby Saucy is the size of a sweet pea and the nose, mouth & ears are taking shape. The little heart is beating, blood is pumping through the tiny body and the lungs and intestines are at the early stages of development. That is a quick development summary from a variety of sources including thebump, babycenter and my pregnancy books.

Symptom checker: The same as they have been for weeks now. I would say my dreams are getting more and more vivid and stranger and stranger. I am ready for a new symptom or two to pop up! I know, I know - be careful what you wish for!

Speaking of dreams, last night I had a vivid dream about my u/s and we saw 3 sac and 3 heartbeats - triplets! Now that would be CRAZY!!! Speaking of, you should swing over to Carrie's blog and read "Could you repeat that?" and wish her well!

Looks like we are going to have a busy movie weekend, busy movie May for that matter. So many good one coming out - Wol.verine, Ghosts of Girl.friends Past, Angels and De.mons, Sta.r Trek...! I can't wait - movie night with Sean is one of my favorite things!

Thank to everyone who has voted on my poll! Keep 'em coming!

Update & Thank You!

Well, the bleeding subsided over the course of the evening and by time I went to bed there was only pink spotting when I wiped. I slept through the night and when I woke up, there was nothing in my liner and only a tinge of brown when I when to the bathroom & nothing since. I am still taking it very easy today and Sean is working from home so I can stay on the couch and not worry about taking care of Libby or getting up to get food and such. I am feeling better and more at ease.

Now, I have a dilemma. I called the RE this morning to update them and ask about an early u/s. The nurse spoke to Dr. P and he agreed to move it up to Friday - 6w1d - but warned me that I was on the cusp of being able to see a hb. The earliest they would typically do one is 6w2d. If I go ahead with it & they do not see a hb, they would make me wait another full WEEK before doing a repeat u/s. So, I can take a chance and do it Friday and possibly be even more of a wreck for a week, or I can wait until Tuesday for a definitive answer. I just don't know what to do. Sean really wants to wait it out until Tuesday because he is afraid 6w1d is too early. I would love to hear your feedback and experiences on doing an early u/s.

Finally, a heartfelt thank you to each & every one of you. Your stories, feedback & encouragement means the world to be. Yesterday was a dark and anxiety filled day, but your words were a bright spot. It really helped me keep perspective on the situation. So many of you have gone through the same thing and have had wonderful outcomes. Thank you!

Scared & anxious

A few minutes after posting my last post, I was having some period like cramping - different than I have been having. A few minutes later, I went to the bathroom and immediately noticed some pink spotting in my panties. When I wiped there was bright red blood with tiny bits of clots. I immediately burst into tears and began rushing around calling my RE, Sean & my mom.

Dr. P called me right back and started off by asking how much blood and cramping. I told him everything and he said that I needed to go on strict bed rest & stay there until bleeding stops. He said to drinks lots of fluid and to call back if the bleeding increases to more than a period and/or if I am in extreme pain. He said it is normal - 2 out of 3 women have some bleeding in the 1st tri- and that it doesn't mean that I am at increased risk. He restated that my blood work looked great this morning & that I should try to calm down. I asked about coming in for an early u/s and he said unless there is a compelling reason, he really wants to avoid irritating the uterus right now, he also wants to avoid unnecessary anxiety.

If and when the bleeding subsides, I may push to move my u/s up to Friday for some peace of mind.

Sean came home right away and I have calmed down a bit. I went to the bathroom a few minutes ago and there was no blood on the liner, but when I wiped there was still pink spotting. I would describe it as more than spotting, less than a period, kind of like the 1st day of AF before full flow.

I am a nervous wreck. All my hope and optimism went right out the window as soon as I saw red. I am trying to stay calm, I am trying to remember that this can be normal, but I am scared to death.

Please, oh please hang on little one. Please don't take this little miracle away from us...

1dp6dt - Implantation Day?!?

After consulting Dr. Google obsessively and talking with our embryologist during transfer, it appears that today is the big day for Jack & Diane/Ben & Jerry! Will they or won't they???

I am nervous and hopeful and feeling like it is all out of our control. All the humans have played their parts and now we need a little help from God, Fate, Destiny, Mother Nature...this is truly where medicine meets miracle, the joining of the hands of God & science.

I am following instructions and staying flat on the couch. Sean spoiled me and pampered me last night and I only got up to potty and head up to bed. He had to go back to work today, but he cooked me breakfast & lunch before he left. Cheesy eggs and toast for breakfast and Ring O'Noodle soup with egg & a pb&j sandwich on whole grain for lunch. He even laid out a cheese stick, yogurt and pineapple for snacks. He is the best! He should be home early tonight and I am contemplating joining him on a trip to the grocery store to do our Easter Brunch shopping. Playing that by ear though!

In the mean time, I have spent a lot of time online, watched trashy TV - 90210 baby! - a few episodes of a Baby Story, developed my Easter Menu, made a grocery list, and talked on the phone. On the horizon, meditate and a nap, maybe a movie...it's a good life!

Symptom checker: Nothing at all. Possible pulling on the right side, but I could be making that up:) Already been on the progesterone for a week, so pretty accustomed to those side effects, which are mild at this point.

Oh please, oh please let this be the day...

7 days until Beta!

FET Madness - Transfer Day!!!

Transfer day is my favorite day of an entire cycle - I always feel so peaceful, content, hopeful and optimistic. I have my embies back home and that is the best feeling!

We called in this morning to discuss how many to transfer & the embryologist said there really wasn't much to decide on - we had 2 blasts and they recommended transferring both. Sounded good to us, but we are neurotic and had a billion more questions for her.

She explained that our mediocre blast from yesterday had actually expanded more and improved slightly though they were grading it a 4CC. You can read more about blast grading here, if you want to know more. 4 being pretty good, but the C's not so much. She said that they are changing so rapidly at this point that there could be improvement before transfer. They would be performing Assisted Hatching on this little guy to help him along.

The 2nd blast to transfer was a 6 BC - 6 being the best possible score. It was awarded this high score because it had already hatched on its own!!! Mommy & Daddy are so proud of you!

Another early blast had formed and they wanted to watch it for possible freeze, while the other early blast from yesterday had failed to progress.

We headed in with a full bladder for transfer at 11:30. Sean & I were feeling giddy with excitement that after 3 failed IVFs, we actually had some blasts to transfer. This is the furthest we have ever gotten and after a few anxious days, we are over the moon to have some blasts to put back!

Here's a couple pics of me before leaving for transfer today. The second one is me looking puffy and awful and downright giddy, but Sean says is cracks him up because it totally captures my joy over these little blasts. The first is of me and Libby, our first born, our best girl, the light of our lives...

They had more good news for us when we arrived, our little 4CC was changing and after using AH, they had improved their grade to a BC! While we are trying not to get too caught up in the grading system, we were still thrilled to see improvement. I have transferred perfect embryos before with no implantation and know of plenty of woman who have transferred ugly little ones and ended up pregnant with one, two or more. I am just beyond excited to have blasts - ugly, beautiful or anything in between!

Transfer was ultrasound guided and smooth as can be. Sean was able to come back with me and hold my hand the entire time, which was such a nice treat. Our clinic does not have private rooms for transfer, so if there is anyone is recovery from ER or also having ET, no husbands can come back for privacy reasons. We were late enough in the morning that it was pretty empty so we had the space all to ourselves.

Dr. P was thrilled that we had met our goal and grown 2 multi cells out to blast stage. He was optimistic and wished us well. The embryologist spent some more time talking with us and said they were really happy with the progression of the embryos and she put our odds of pregnancy around 40% or better. She said success rates for a regular FET with a multi celled embryo or thawed blast would be around 20%, so we effectively doubled our chances by getting the little ones to blast. She said it was as close to fresh cycle odds as we could get with the added benefit of FET being a much more natural state for the body to be in.

We got to see some pics of the blasts, though we did not ask to take them home. The clinic team has their own superstitions and they don't like to give pics to patients until a positive beta. In cycles 1 & 2, we bucked their system and took the pics, but this time, we are going with the flow and being superstitious right along with them :) We are nicknaming the blasts, but are torn between Jack & Diane and Ben & Jerry. Love them both. Thoughts?

I laid there for 30 minutes and was in agony by the end - I had to pee SO freaking bad it hurt. My blood work was in by time we left and my E2 was 249 and my P4 was 15.2. The nurse said those were perfect, though my P4 dropped off about 5 points since Weds, but if they are not worried, I am not worried. Anyone know what they like them to be at this stage of an FET?

I spent the ride home reclined in my seat and Sean has been pampering all day - he picked up white pizza and Greek salad for lunch which was yummy! He also bought me my favorite yogurt, fresh pineapple and bananas. I plan to stay flat on the couch all day today and probably tomorrow as well. The embryologist said my implantation window is 24-48 hours, so I should take it easy for the time being. We have a busy weekend ahead, so I plan to rest up while I can.

All in all, a very good day. Wishing my amazing husband, Sean, a very Happy Birthday today and hoping I can give him the greatest gift of all this year... I LOVE YOU!

Thank you ladies - your strength & support amazes me daily!

Beta in 8 days!