Monday, March 16, 2009

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

I am supposed to start FET #1 on CD1. The good news? I am spotting and full flow is close. The very bad news? Our tax return has not arrived yet. The problem? We planned on using our return to pay the balance due on our FET & clinic won't let me start Estrace until I am paid in full. Things are tight right now with Sean just starting a new job and the return is the only way we can swing this cycle for time being.

I am trying to hold out hope that the $ will arrive before full flow, but it is not looking good. The state tax website is not showing us in the system yet and says that the average wait time is 4 weeks and we are only two and half weeks in. I am very disappointed.

I am torn between borrowing the money from my mom or just sucking it up and waiting for my April cycle. Waiting another 4 weeks is not the end of the world, but I already lost a month in December when I messed up my BCP, got AF early and could not start mock cycle because I was out of town and it was Christmas Eve. My mom would lend us the money, but she already made some horribly cliche comment about how maybe it was meant to be this way and maybe I should take it as an additional opportunity to continue losing weight. I know she didn't mean to sound insensitive and that she was kind of only echoing what I have been saying about my own weight loss, but jeezey peezy! I am down 16.2lbs and was hoping to be down 20 before transfer and I still think that is possible even if I do begin my FET this week. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

If we decide to wait, I think we all know how this will go down - $ will arrive 2 days after full flow and then some crazy cash emergency will arise and I will have to use the FET $ for that instead and I will be stuck in waiting-to-cycle-hell! Ugh!

Possibly the ugliest part of it all is that I have had the worst PMS ever. I seriously felt like I was on PIO - sore boobs, super bloated, tired, cravings, the whole nine yards. I am sure you can deduce all the crazy things that have been running through my mind. I know it is the Year of Hope and all, but I was off the deep end; I was teetering on the edge of the Year of Delusions!

For now, I wait & hope that full flow stays at bay and Uncle Sam comes through with a last minute Hail Mary...

16 comments:

Christi said...

I'm sorry, what bad timing! AF never does cooperate. Is it possible to charge it and buy you sometime so that when the credit card bill arrives, you should have your refund?

Carrie said...

Ugh! Waiting-to-cycle is the worst. AF always shows up too early, too late or not at all. Maybe flow will wait and your return will come the same day... but I am sure you are so frustrated waiting. ALWAYS waiting with this damn infertility. If you feel like another cycle of waiting will drive you batty, call up Mom! :)

Whatever you decide, please keep your fans posted so we can do lots of cheer leading. :)

Thanks for stopping by my blog today! Your enthusiasm made me all hormonally weepy.

Carrie

Kat said...

"Hoping" alongside you...

poppy.f.seed said...

hmmm, if it were me, and I *knew* I was getting the refund, I'd probably borrow, etc. You've waited enough!

Good luck!

Just Another Infertile said...

Worrying about paying for IVF adds a whole new dimension. I've been there.

My parents loaned us the money up front too and we are slowly paying them back. At least you won't have to wait long to pay your mom back if you decide to go that route. DO what is going to stress you out the least.

I liked the credit card suggestion from Christi. . .

Sticks and Stims said...

Oh E - that sucks. IF and IVF and all things related just f'ing suck and the waiting sucks and money sucks it all sucks.

You do not need this stress on top of everything else. Do whatever will make you feel okay in the long run - whatever that is. ((HUGS))

The Pifer's said...

I'm praying for you and yours!

God Bless,
Tiffany
http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/

Lisa said...

Honey, I think losing 16 pounds is fantastic!!! I guess the good thing about an FET is that they're sitting there waiting for you, whether you cycle this month or next.

kayjay said...

So typical - gov't is so quick to take your money and so slooooow to return it back to you! If you're feeling really impatient, I would borrow it or do what Christi said and charge it. Besides, you probably have a points credit card so you may as well get the points on the purchase. Goodness knows my DH and I have both flown to CCRM on my reward points from IVF charges alone on my cc!! I hope AF starts cooperating soon or you get your $$ soon!

Clio said...

it just sucks that the timing is not working smoothly... And with your mom's comment indeed it's hard to ask her for the money.
Congrats on the weight loss! it's really great that you got 16 down.
Good luck figuring this cycle out, you do seem to be in a hard place...

Jill said...

Em-I hope something has worked out on the financing end. So sorry for the additional stress!

One more credit card comment-we opened a no interest for 15 months credit card to help pay for IVF #3 expenses. So, I just pay on it every month, don't use it for charges and will have it paid in full by early next year when interest begins. You may be able to swing it for the cycle!

Lost in Space said...

I'm sorry, Emily. I truly hope it has arrived or you have figured out another way until it does. We wait enough in this game the way it is. Hugs.

ashley said...

Things have their way of working out so I hope you get that check just in time. Keep us posted!

Ms. Perky said...

If it were me? Because I have ZERO patience for waiting EVER? I'd borrow the money or put it on a credit card until the refund check arrives. Because I'd be beyond annoyed if it arrived 2 days after full flow started. Seriously.

MissMVK said...

I am on pins and needles hoping that Uncle Sam comes through for you! And believe me, I know that another four weeks isn't the end of the world, but when you're talking about postponing your happiness, it's a different ball game. So excited for your upcoming journey!

Maria (MKC101103) said...

Good luck with your FET!!!

I <3 Snowbabies :)