Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Today was my hysteroscopy to remove the polyp. I ended up getting general anesthesia instead of twilight, which was ok with me. Surgery lasted around an hour and was routine, but revealed a surprise.

The polyp was HUGE. It was taking up more than 1/3 of my uterus and had damaged my left tube. No wonder I had 2 failed IVF cycles due to implantation failure. I am bummed about the bad tube, but since we are IVF patients anyway, I guess it is not a huge loss. Had it been caught sooner though, perhaps my tube would have been okay.

I'll say it again, I am SO happy that we got an 2nd opinion!!!

I had serious post-surgery shivers and my body was having trouble regulating its temp. They brought in a forced air warming blanket and gave me a shot of Demerol to stop the tremors. I have never shook so bad in my life.

I got home a little after 6pm and I promptly vomited as we walked in the door. I feel much better now though. Crampy and some pressure, but ok.

Sean made me some Ring 0 Noodle Soup with egg and now I am about to have a banana and peanut butter. He is a great nurse :)

Dr. M called me at home this evening and wants me to get underway with IVF #3 as soon possible.

I need to call my nurse in the morning and get on the calendar. Thanks for all your well wishes!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Surgery Tuesday

Hysteroscopy and polypectomy Tues @ 2pm. I will update when I get home & feeling up to it!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Some Good News

Sean had his follow-up appointment at Hopkins today and his varicocele has been resolved!!! Woo-hoo!!!

We are cautiously optimistic that we will see some kind of improvement in his sperm count in November. We already feel better about the choice to have the procedure and Sean has been pain free since 5 days post-surgery. The pain factor was a big part of the reason we opted to have it corrected.

I finally received my surgery date and I will have my polyp removed on September 23rd.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Last to Know

Do you remember when you & all your close friends were meeting your respective husbands? Do you remember calling your girlfriends and sharing in the excitement of meeting the "greatest" guy ever? How about when everyone was getting engaged? Do you remember the joyful, gushing conversations about proposal stories, rings, and setting dates? How about the hours of planning your wedding with your bridesmaids and closest friends - the dress, the colors, the flowers?!? You could have talked and traded stories and advice for hours. The best part though was knowing that you were among the first to know when these major life changing events happened those closest to you...

Infertility has taken that away from me. The same girls that called me within the first 15 minutes of meeting the man of their dreams, getting engaged and other major life events now avoid me like the plague when they have pregnancy news to share. They don't know what to say or how to say it, so instead of calling me the minute they're late, or as soon as they see the second pink line, I get an email weeks later. An email? Seriously? From people you have planned your lives with???

I am total hypocrite because in a way, I prefer the impersonal email to the "Big Announcement" over dinner, but I am angry that it has to be this way. Infertility stole my ability to be the happy, positive person I have always been, the ability to share in my friends' life changing news with appropriate joy and enthusiasm.

How I wish I could trade pregnancy stories together - "Oh, the nausea!", "Can you believe how big our boobs are??", "Have you seen the new cute maternity line at Motherhood?", "What stroller are you registering for?" I would love to relive our labor and delivery tales together and relish in each other's sleep deprived, hormonal induced moods. I long for outings to the mall with our strollers and diaper bags in tow. Infertility has stolen these close moments with my girlfriends from me. My best friend? Her daughter is 5. My best college friend? Her son is 2, her stepdaughters are 7 & 10, and they are working on getting pregnant with the next addition to their family. My sister-in-law? Just had number 3. A lesbian friend from college? Pregnant with her 1st. Sean's best friends? I've lost count of the babies and their ages, to be honest. Friends from work? Same is true there. And you must have guessed by now, more pregnancy news today via email- a close friend from my teaching days - pregnant with her first (married 2 years after me, of course)!

Am I happy for all of our friends and family? Of course! I love their children and my nieces and nephews fiercely. I would do anything for them, I am their biggest cheerleader. I am the one planning showers, the first one at the hospital with new-mommy survival guides in tow and organizing food for the first week home, offering babysitting services and advice when asked. But I am also the one left behind. The one no one knows quite what to say to, the one everyone tip toes around, the one that is now the last to know...

And yet when it is a infertile sister that finally, finally gets her BFP, I couldn't be happier. Their stories raise me up and replenish my hope. I shed tears of joy for them. I follow their pregnancy stories and ooh and ahh over u/s pics, and nursery pics and belly shots without an ounce of that same bitterness and self-pity that accompanies friends' pregnancies. What is wrong with me? What has infertility done to me???

Polyp update: Definitely doing the laser procedure & still waiting to get on the surgery calendar. Seems likely to happen late next week.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

It's Baaaaaaccckkk!!

The polyp is back. Saline Sono confirmed today what the HSG suggested.

Waiting on the nurse to call me and tell me if the surgery will be this Friday or early next week. Fun, wow! Can't wait!

Almost as much fun as watching the Republican National Convention! ;) Have you ever seen so many white, old people in suits in the same room???

Anyway, feeling a little sorry for myself and my polyp today. Thank goodness for 2nd opinions though or I would be stimming for IVF #3 right now and heading for yet another BFN.