Well, this is awkward...

Hello there, friends. One thing is for sure, it has been far too long...almost two years, in fact.

So, where do I begin? I guess I should prepare you, my dear

readers (if indeed anyone is still out there, hello???), for a possible punch in the gut...

You see I am "one of those" infertiles. You know the ones we all love to hate, the stuff of urban legends and the origin of "just relax" and it will happen...IT happened and I am now a mom, of not one, but TWO gorgeous girls

.

Lydia Kathleen was born on August 31, 2011 in a home away from homebirth, (but that is a crazy story for another day!). She was our surprise BFP, our Christmas "miracle", our 2% chance you will ever conceive on your own, jackpot winner. Apparently Sean's varicocele embolization worked better than we ever could have dreamed.

The long and short of it goes like this: it was Christmas 2010 and I was still nursing Eliza who was about to turn 1. I had a few postpartum periods, but the thought of TTC had never even crossed our minds. We loved being parents and we were quite busy with Eliza. A few days after Christmas it dawned on me that my period might be late. There was a nagging voice in the back of my head that told me I was pregnant, but I refused to believe it. How could I possibly be pregnant?! the voice wouldn't go away so, while I was doing some last minute shopping for Eliza's 1st birthday, I grabbed a few HPTs.

I didn't even take my coat off before I ran to the bathroom to POAS. It popped up positive immediately & I shouted to Eliza, still bundled in her infant seat, "I KNEW IT!!!" I scooped her up, pee stick in hand and we drove to Sean's office to share the joyous news. Long time readers might remember this post, where I surprised Sean at his office to share our BFP news. This was becoming a habit!

Needless to say, I didn't make a public announcement this time, I simply called him down to the car to meet me. He was shocked, I was shocked. We were thrilled, but nervous. Could we really be pregnant on our own after 5yrs, severe mfi, a damaged tube, a history of uterine polyps, 3 failed fresh ivfs & an fet???

Yes, yes we were & after an uneventful pregnancy & very eventful labor & delivery, 3 became 4 and here we are today. Parents of two girls, Eliza & Lydia. It still takes my breath away.

There is so much I want to share with you about my girls. About what an incredible two years it has been, about Eliza & how she has brought us joy each & every day. About her sign language, her huge vocabulary & her funny, expressive personality. About what an amazing sister she is. About our sleep struggles. About her tethered cord syndrome & surgery. I want you to know all about Lydia & how easy going she is. How breastfeeding is a million times easier. About how having 2 kids under 2 is the craziest, most stressful, most rewarding, most incredible thing I have ever done. I want to tell you so much, but I don't even know where to start...

Thankfully, Sean did know just where to start. The ladies have inspired my husband to blog about life as their daddy. And an incredible daddy he is. My girls and I are lucky to have such a caring, loving, affectionate & selfless man in our lives. I never, ever took Sean as the blogging type, but he is hooked! His blog is pretty amazing stuff if you ask me, but I'm a little biased. Head on over to mydaddymydaddy.com & check it out. Leave him a little comment love while you're there! He also tweets @mydaddymydaddy.

Reading his blog has reminded me how much I loved blogging & how much I missed it & how emotional it is. Honestly, it's been tough to revisit some of the darker days of our journey. It has also made these days so much sweeter.

So what about this blog? To be honest, I'm not sure what the future of this blog is. I may keep it & rework it, I may close it & begin anew. For now, I am looking forward to catching up with my blogroll!

A few more pics...

photography by Timeless Treasures www.todayisatreasure.com

Well, hello there!

WOW! Where oh where has the time gone?! Last time I posted, Eliza was just 3 weeks old. Today she is over 3 months old! So much has happened, I hardly even recognize my own life, but before we get into all that, I think the least I can do is post a photo to make up for my absence.

We are officially back in Buffalo and thanks to my amazing husband, our move went incredibly well. Far easier than I ever anticipated. It is wonderful to be home and surrounded by our family and friends. Miss Eliza has had quite the social life since we moved back - meeting all her aunts, uncles & cousins has been joyful, indeed. She has even had the chance to spend some time with my grandma, her 90 year old, GiGi. Our new place is lovely, on the small side, but really nice. We lucked out and are renting from my sister-in-law's sister and it is a perfect arrangement. We plan to be here a year or two before we buy again. After 3 months at home with his girls, Sean started his new job yesterday. We LOVED having him home and feel quite blessed and spoiled to have had the indulgence of so much family time.

It is hard to believe, but one year ago yesterday, was transfer day & our little miracle began her journey to our lives. So much has changed in a year and we never could have imagined how full of love and joy our lives would be. We feel incredibly blessed and lucky to have Eliza in our lives.

Hmmm, so much to fill you in on. Let's see, breastfeeding has been quite a challenge. I have seen 4 different lactation consultants and every supply trick in the book. I will devote an entire post to it, but Eliza has a suck dysfunction - a possible type 4 tongue tie and I have a supply issue, possibly as a result of the suck dysfunction. Her weight gain has been slow, but with lots of pumping, giving her extra ounces of pumped milk & occasionally formula, she is gaining and has finally broke the 11lb mark. She is our tiny little girl.

Speaking of tiny little girls, Libby dislocated her hip again and just recently had surgery to permanently fix it. Poor thing, she has had it rough. She and Eliza are becoming fast friends.

Things Eliza loves at 3 months old:

1. Sleep! Eliza loves her sleep and sleeps a solid 7 hours per night straight and 12 + hours total. She is just like her mommy, daddy and fur-sister Libby. She is a happy, happy baby.

2. Binki - ahhh, heaven!

3. Her swing - girl can take some serious power naps in that thing.

4. Drooling

5. Snuggling - she loves being worn and snuggled close.

6. Baths - especially baths with mommy.

7. Her playmat.

8. Music and singing - she is a big fan of The Farmer in the Dell and the various silly versions Mommy and Daddy invent.

9. Hockey - yep, hockey. She is transfixed when it is on. Our little Sabres fan already. We really should nip this love affair with TV in the bud.

Things Eliza is not a fan of at 4 months:

1. Formula, or at least certain kinds. We need to send the video to America's Funniest.

2. Laying flat on her back - she is a reflux babe.

3. The car and her carseat. Boy, does she ever scream.

As you can see, the list of loves, far outweighs the list of dislikes.

She is happy, happy, happy and almost everyone who meets her comments on how smiley she is. She rolls over, laughs and kicks her feet a mile a minute. How did we ever get so lucky?

3 weeks!!

Where or where has the time gone? I cannot believe my little girl is 3 weeks old today! How life has changed in 3 short weeks. I feel like I have been in a bubble. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been out of the house & I feel completely out of touch with the real world, but that is okay because I am head over heels in love with Eliza.

Eliza Caroline has big feet like her mama and fingers like her daddy. She looks like daddy, but has mommy's nose and profile. She has long eyelashes and huge, almond shaped blue eyes. Her hair is light in front, dark in the back and show some hints of red. I can't believe we made her - she is perfection.




Eliza's favorite things at 3 weeks:
1. being worn in the Moby by mommy or daddy
2. Snuggling up
3. Breastfeeding
4. Sleeping on our chests
5. being naked

Things Eliza dislikes at 3 weeks:
1. swing
2. bouncy seat
3. red lights
4. baths
5. sleeping in the cosleeper

Life is good but has been a blur of breastfeeding, diaper changes, babywearing, sleeping, rinse and repeat. BFing was really, really hard at first, got immensely better week 2 and week 3 is looking like there might be a supply issue as Eliza is still not up to birth weight. So for now, I visit the LC, stay in touch with the pedi, add pumping into the routine, take some fenugreek, go for frequent weight checks, supplement with pumped breast milk whenever possible and an oz of formula here and there. I HATE giving her the lousy ounce of formula and hope that she starts gaining ASAP so we can go back to exclusive breastfeeding. I know how irrational it sounds to hate giving her formula, I know it is helping her and not harming her, but it makes me feel like my body is broken all over again. LC suspects my supply issue could be due to the IVF and/or the postpartum hemorrhage. Hopefully it is easily fixable...

I know I owe you all my birth story, but I really want to do it justice so I am going to start working on it and post it when complete.


As if life has not been overwhelming enough with a newborn baby, we have decided now is the time to make the move back to Buffalo. I know - we are certifiable. Many of my long time readers know this has been on our radar for a loooong time and it has always been a long term goal. Having Eliza put things into perspective for us and when we looked at the big picture - budget, resources, Sean's job, our rental situation etc...it just made sense to pull the trigger and do it. So, we shuffle off to Buffalo on February 19th. Sean quit his job the day we decided and it has been wonderful having him home with us right now. He is handling all things related to the move and doing an amazing job with it - that is saying something coming from a control freak like me. Ask me if I feel the same when the major packing begins! We are kind of flying by the seat of our pants with the whole thing and it is SCARY! I know it is for the best though!

I am feeling good, but I had MAJOR weepyness the first week at home. I cried my eyes out when my mom left and when my inlaws were here, I was a hot mess. I even took the baby and hid in my bedroom one day. They were trying to be helpful, but the type A part of me could not handle it. The decision to move was not helping my emotional state either, but thankfully, the crying jags seem to have passed.

That is about all I have right now, but how about some more pics of the cutest baby I know???

Happy Birthday!

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Eliza Caroline was born on 12/31/2009 at 7:11am after a whopping 49 hours of labor. She weighed in at 8.1lbs and 20in long.

I can't believe I am a mommy to a precious little girl. A daughter?!?! AMAZING.

What a perfect way to end 2009- The Year of Hope. What a dream come true. We are head over heels in love with our little girl. I have a feeling 2010 is going to be one of the most magical of our lives. I cannot wait to watch my little girl grow and change. So many firsts to look forward to...

Long and complicated birth story to come, hopefully sooner than later. Eliza is perfect and Mommy is on the mend after an incredibly long and difficult labor. A preview - stalled labor, swelling cervix, sunny side up presentation, vaginal delivery and more!

Wishing everyone a Happy & Healthy 2010! May it be a year of dreams come true...

Pics to come ASAP - hospital connection is dreadfully slow.

Water, water everywhere!

My water broke at 6:15 this morning! Contractions began immediately 2-3min apart, but have sloooooooooowed way down. No pattern at all. Bouncing on the ball and getting ready to go for a walk. Lots of bloody show and mucus.

Called the midwife and she wants me to labor at home until I can't walk or talk comfortably. That seems like it could be several hours from now with the way things are going right now...

Hopefully today is the day I meet my little Ralphie!!!

Santa Can Bite Me!

40w3d no baby in sight...Off to the midwife in the morning. Fingers crossed for some progress.

Christmas started off great. We stayed in PJs all day, watched movies and ate snacks. It all went to hell in a hand basket around 5:30 when Libby, our mini schnauzer, jumped for a toy and collapsed screaming in pain, it was evident something was very wrong with her rear leg. Sean & my dad stabilized her, but we rushed off to the vet ER - her shaking and crying the whole way - they had to sedate her just to do the exam and xrays. Turns out she dislocated her hip They put her under anesthesia and popped it back into place. We picked her up late that night. It cost a small FORTUNE.

Poor little girl cried and cried for hours - she was in so much pain. Even the pain meds didn't seem to take the edge off. I guess the crying and whimpering can be a side effect of the anesthetic and all the stress, but she was breaking our hearts.

Sean is amazing and sat reclined on the sofa, fully dressed with her all night long while she cried and slept on and off. He wanted me to get some sleep in case I went into labor. He is the best puppy daddy ever and is going to be a pretty awesome daddy to this LO as well.

Libby seems much better pain wise, but we had to switch meds because it gave her horrendous diarrhea - she can't catch a break.

The bad news, she is at increased risk for it happening again in the next few weeks and if it does, she will need surgery ASAP. She is on restricted activity for FOUR weeks - no steps, no hardwood floors, no running or jumping. That should be fun with a newborn. Thank goodness Sean is off for another week or so and my parents are here for 10 more days...

Needless to say, not the type of excitement we were hoping for! I am just glad I didn't go into labor in the middle of all that mess, but now that she is on the mend, bring it!

Dear Santa...

It may be too late to get in my Christmas wish, but I was hoping there was room on your list for one more request. We haven't spoke in many years, but some of my best memories are from Christmas morning - all thanks to you and your elves. As you know, Sean and I began our story 13 years ago on Christmas Day and 7 years ago was especially magical when Sean proposed to me under the tree on Christmas morning.

We need your help this year too. You see, Ralphie was due to arrive today, but the stork seems to be stuck somewhere behind your sleigh and the UPS man, so we were hoping there might be room our your sleigh for our little one. He or she shouldn't take up much room, but he or she sure will fill so many hearts with joy and love!

So, Santa, if you can, our only wish this year is to welcome our new son or daughter into our lives. It would be the best Christmas gift ever...

Love,
Emily & Sean