Well, hello there!

WOW! Where oh where has the time gone?! Last time I posted, Eliza was just 3 weeks old. Today she is over 3 months old! So much has happened, I hardly even recognize my own life, but before we get into all that, I think the least I can do is post a photo to make up for my absence.

We are officially back in Buffalo and thanks to my amazing husband, our move went incredibly well. Far easier than I ever anticipated. It is wonderful to be home and surrounded by our family and friends. Miss Eliza has had quite the social life since we moved back - meeting all her aunts, uncles & cousins has been joyful, indeed. She has even had the chance to spend some time with my grandma, her 90 year old, GiGi. Our new place is lovely, on the small side, but really nice. We lucked out and are renting from my sister-in-law's sister and it is a perfect arrangement. We plan to be here a year or two before we buy again. After 3 months at home with his girls, Sean started his new job yesterday. We LOVED having him home and feel quite blessed and spoiled to have had the indulgence of so much family time.

It is hard to believe, but one year ago yesterday, was transfer day & our little miracle began her journey to our lives. So much has changed in a year and we never could have imagined how full of love and joy our lives would be. We feel incredibly blessed and lucky to have Eliza in our lives.

Hmmm, so much to fill you in on. Let's see, breastfeeding has been quite a challenge. I have seen 4 different lactation consultants and every supply trick in the book. I will devote an entire post to it, but Eliza has a suck dysfunction - a possible type 4 tongue tie and I have a supply issue, possibly as a result of the suck dysfunction. Her weight gain has been slow, but with lots of pumping, giving her extra ounces of pumped milk & occasionally formula, she is gaining and has finally broke the 11lb mark. She is our tiny little girl.

Speaking of tiny little girls, Libby dislocated her hip again and just recently had surgery to permanently fix it. Poor thing, she has had it rough. She and Eliza are becoming fast friends.

Things Eliza loves at 3 months old:

1. Sleep! Eliza loves her sleep and sleeps a solid 7 hours per night straight and 12 + hours total. She is just like her mommy, daddy and fur-sister Libby. She is a happy, happy baby.

2. Binki - ahhh, heaven!

3. Her swing - girl can take some serious power naps in that thing.

4. Drooling

5. Snuggling - she loves being worn and snuggled close.

6. Baths - especially baths with mommy.

7. Her playmat.

8. Music and singing - she is a big fan of The Farmer in the Dell and the various silly versions Mommy and Daddy invent.

9. Hockey - yep, hockey. She is transfixed when it is on. Our little Sabres fan already. We really should nip this love affair with TV in the bud.

Things Eliza is not a fan of at 4 months:

1. Formula, or at least certain kinds. We need to send the video to America's Funniest.

2. Laying flat on her back - she is a reflux babe.

3. The car and her carseat. Boy, does she ever scream.

As you can see, the list of loves, far outweighs the list of dislikes.

She is happy, happy, happy and almost everyone who meets her comments on how smiley she is. She rolls over, laughs and kicks her feet a mile a minute. How did we ever get so lucky?

3 weeks!!

Where or where has the time gone? I cannot believe my little girl is 3 weeks old today! How life has changed in 3 short weeks. I feel like I have been in a bubble. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been out of the house & I feel completely out of touch with the real world, but that is okay because I am head over heels in love with Eliza.

Eliza Caroline has big feet like her mama and fingers like her daddy. She looks like daddy, but has mommy's nose and profile. She has long eyelashes and huge, almond shaped blue eyes. Her hair is light in front, dark in the back and show some hints of red. I can't believe we made her - she is perfection.




Eliza's favorite things at 3 weeks:
1. being worn in the Moby by mommy or daddy
2. Snuggling up
3. Breastfeeding
4. Sleeping on our chests
5. being naked

Things Eliza dislikes at 3 weeks:
1. swing
2. bouncy seat
3. red lights
4. baths
5. sleeping in the cosleeper

Life is good but has been a blur of breastfeeding, diaper changes, babywearing, sleeping, rinse and repeat. BFing was really, really hard at first, got immensely better week 2 and week 3 is looking like there might be a supply issue as Eliza is still not up to birth weight. So for now, I visit the LC, stay in touch with the pedi, add pumping into the routine, take some fenugreek, go for frequent weight checks, supplement with pumped breast milk whenever possible and an oz of formula here and there. I HATE giving her the lousy ounce of formula and hope that she starts gaining ASAP so we can go back to exclusive breastfeeding. I know how irrational it sounds to hate giving her formula, I know it is helping her and not harming her, but it makes me feel like my body is broken all over again. LC suspects my supply issue could be due to the IVF and/or the postpartum hemorrhage. Hopefully it is easily fixable...

I know I owe you all my birth story, but I really want to do it justice so I am going to start working on it and post it when complete.


As if life has not been overwhelming enough with a newborn baby, we have decided now is the time to make the move back to Buffalo. I know - we are certifiable. Many of my long time readers know this has been on our radar for a loooong time and it has always been a long term goal. Having Eliza put things into perspective for us and when we looked at the big picture - budget, resources, Sean's job, our rental situation etc...it just made sense to pull the trigger and do it. So, we shuffle off to Buffalo on February 19th. Sean quit his job the day we decided and it has been wonderful having him home with us right now. He is handling all things related to the move and doing an amazing job with it - that is saying something coming from a control freak like me. Ask me if I feel the same when the major packing begins! We are kind of flying by the seat of our pants with the whole thing and it is SCARY! I know it is for the best though!

I am feeling good, but I had MAJOR weepyness the first week at home. I cried my eyes out when my mom left and when my inlaws were here, I was a hot mess. I even took the baby and hid in my bedroom one day. They were trying to be helpful, but the type A part of me could not handle it. The decision to move was not helping my emotional state either, but thankfully, the crying jags seem to have passed.

That is about all I have right now, but how about some more pics of the cutest baby I know???

Nesting as therapy

Well, things are cruising right along around here! We are 1 week from our EDD and as ready as we are going to get! I even managed to clean out that pesky tupperware cabinet last week. I am confident I can find more things to knock out around here, but as far as prep for Ralphie, we are all set!!!

Part of my nesting involved cleaning out my IVF cabinet which I had been putting off for my entire pregnancy. At first I suppose that was out of fear, but then it just became a fixture of my life and honestly, hard for me to let go of. I did coordinate a donation with another girl who is OOP and that felt great and yet I still felt the need to hang onto some of it. I donated meds that were set to expire, but anything that had at least 6mo left, I boxed up and put away along with all my sharps, gauze, alcohol pads etc... I don't really know why. It is pretty unrealistic that I would be ready to cycle again in 6 short months, especially since I plan to breastfeed for a year and yet, I just couldn't get rid of all those meds. It felt so familiar to handle them - I could smell them, I could feel the sting of the needle and the burn of the meds entering my bloodstream. It was bizarre.

As close as I am to holding my baby in my arms, I still have a big part of IF inside of me. I still cry every time I hear one of my IVF anthems - Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, Broken by Lifehouse and Shattered by OAR bring me right back to my darkest days and reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for this holiday season. To all of those still in the trenches, I am thinking of you and wishing you strength during the holidays and hope for the new year!

Here it is! The 39w update and I am thinking it might be the last one...hopefully those words don't come back to bite me!

How am I feeling? Ready to meet my little one! A little sad that this part of my journey is coming to an end. I will miss being pregnant and hope I can experience it again some day. Still peeing an insane number of times per day! Fetal movement is sometimes painful as he/she runs out of room.

Milestones: The final days are here! It has passed me by in a flash...

Signs of Labor: YUP! I lost my mucus plug/had bloody show this morning!! Have had more braxton hicks over the past few days. At my 38w appt, I was 90% effaced, cervix was midline and soft and the baby was -2 station. No dilation. If I don't go into labor this weekend, I have my next internal on Monday! I know all this could mean nothing more than hurry up and wait, but it could also mean that labor is right around the corner. Either way, my body is working hard to get ready!

Cravings: I have been really hungry lately! Still eating my waffles daily and drinking my chocolate milk :)

What do I miss? Putting on my own socks :)

What am I looking forward to? The big day! So much anticipation...

Weight gain: 9lbs total - I have gained 4lbs in the past 2 weeks and MW thinks it is mostly fluid as my legs have been a little swollen. BP is perfect!!

What am I doing to help labor along? Drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea - at least 2 cups a day- and taking 1500mg of Evening Primrose Oil daily. Walking, having sex, bouncing on the yoga ball, doing squats, and eating spicy foods!
When does the family arrive? Wednesday!! I can't wait!

So that's it. I am thinking I may go into labor over the weekend - the 18th is my Dad's bday and he has been deceased since 2000, so that would be kind of special. We are also expecting a winter storm this weekend and that would be appropriate for our little snowbaby!

Thank you to everyone who responded to our poll and took a guess about Ralphie's birthday!

I am wishing all of you a very happy holiday season - may all your dreams come true!

A letter to my child

Dear Ralphie,

Hello my little one! It is the day before Thanksgiving and I cannot even begin to describe to you the joy and gratefulness that fill my heart this year. Some days I feel like I just might burst with happiness about your impending arrival. To feel you move and roll and kick in my belly is one of the best feelings in the world. Admittedly, I will miss it. I will miss knowing you are all mine and knowing you are the only one who has ever heard my heartbeat from the inside. I do think having you in my arms to kiss and snuggle will more than make up for that though.

The calendar tells me that we have less than a month until we meet you, my instinct tells me it could be a wee bit sooner than that. Do you know how excited your Daddy and I are to finally meet you? We have been dreaming about this day for so very long and it is finally close at hand. We have feathered a little nest for you, we hope you will be most comfortable here.

Daddy and I talk about you all the time. We wonder if you are a boy or a girl, although we both strongly feel you are a boy and I think you might shock us if you are a little girl. We will be over the moon either way and Mommy gets all choked up thinking about the moment we hear the words, "It's a...!" We wonder and daydream about what you will look like. Will you have your Daddy's red hair that Mommy always dreams of? Will you have his baby blues, or my green eyes? Based on your early photos, I think you have your Daddy's legs and feet. What will your personality be like? Your Gramma Rita always says that your Daddy, "was a great baby, a great child, an easy teenager and a wonderful man." I couldn't agree more and hope you have his easy, laid back personality. We have so many hopes and dreams for you and we can't wait to see who you are and who you have yet to become.

I can't wait to look into your sweet little face for the first time and gaze into your eyes and tell you how much I love you. I can't wait to see you in your Daddy's arms and to see the look on his face as he meets his son or daughter for the first time. I can't wait to count and kiss your ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. I can't wait to feel your skin on my skin, to feed you for the first time, to hold you and to love you. I already love you so much I don't know how my heart could get any fuller, but I think it might just burst out of my chest the first time I have you in my arms.

Daddy and I promise to be good parents. We will always be here for you - to love you, to hug you and to kiss you, to listen to you, to keep you safe and warm, to guide you, to lead you, to teach you, to discipline you, to let you make your mistakes and catch you when you fall, to mend skinned little knees and broken hearts too. We will be your biggest cheerleaders and our hearts will be filled with pride at your accomplishments - big and small. I can't promise that we will always be your best friends or that will be the "cool" parents, but we will do the best we can to help you grow up to be a good person.

Your family is filled with anticipation as well. Gramma and Papa are especially excited to meet their first grandchild. I apologize in advance if the nickname Ralphie sticks with you. You have your Papa to thank for that. As soon as he found out you were due on Christmas Eve, he coined the nickname in honor of Ralphie in "A Christmas Story." So, talk to him if you hate it! You are grandchild #10 for Daddy's side and they are just as excited to meet you. Your cousins are pretty excited too! See how loved you are already???

I can't think of a more magical time of year to bring you into this world. There was a time in our lives when the holidays filled us with a certain sadness, but you have changed that for us forever. Now our hearts are filled with joy thinking of all the memories to be made with you.

I will treasure these last weeks feeling you in my belly. I will try not to wish them away, but I am anxiously awaiting your birthday. One year ago, I wrote this post. It all seemed so abstract and now my dreams are coming true. You are our miracle, our little snowflake, our heart and our soul and I promise that you will be blessed...

I love you forever,
Mommy

So much to say

I know, I know, I disappeared again and for a long time. I am so sorry! On an almost daily basis I think about something to blog about, but I never actually sit down to write. I want to, I really do!

We have been pretty busy this summer - weddings, parties, cookouts, traveling to Buffalo etc... We spent the holiday weekend in Buffalo celebrating our Goddaughters' birthday parties and attending a family reunion on my Dad's side. It was a great trip and a wonderful reminder of how much love and support is awaiting this baby. We received some adorable baby gifts. My mom bought some super cute sleepers and onesies and my aunt from Ireland knitted a beautiful blanket and hat. It was exciting to get our first gifts!!! My mom also won one of those small, Fl.ip video cameras at a golf tournament and she gave it to Sean as a Father's Day gift. It is so cool! It is an HD video camera that is the size of a digital camera. Perfect for posting cute videos of the baby! All in all, it was a wonderful weekend and reinforced to us that Buffalo is where we want to raise our family.

Our plan is still to move back home and we are thinking it might be a possibility in about a year or so, but it really depends on Sean's new job and whether or not they can work out way from him to telecommute. Now that my mom is awaiting the birth of her first (and possibly only) grandchild she is anxious for us to come home, or else she said she might have to move here! That would be incredible, but we ultimately want to be back in Buffalo with our entire family.

Speaking of the grandparents, my mom, step dad and Sean's parents have booked their flights to come down for Ralphie's birth!!! Even though it is still months down the line, my Christmas Eve due date really complicates travel arrangements. Sou.thwest had $49 flights and they book really fast due to the holiday, so when they saw available, cheap flights they booked them. They are all going to arrive on 12/23 - one day before my EDD. My in laws are planning to stay one week and my parents are staying two. There is really no way to predict if the baby will come early, late or right on time. We figured at least, they have their tickets and if I go early, they can always exchange them. If I go late, they are already here to celebrate the holiday and if I am right on time - even better! Driving really wasn't an option because Sean's mom hates traveling by car (the women has panic attacks in the car for 20mins, let alone 7 hours) and the weather in December is too unpredictable going through those mountains in PA. I wasn't crazy about my mom driving like a maniac trying to make it in time & running the risk of missing the birth all together if I went fast, they hit bad weather etc... I feel better knowing they have a plan!

In other baby news, Sean & I have started really thinking about our major baby purchases. We spent all day Saturday at Great Beginnings (rated as one of the best baby stores in the country by B.aby Bargains) near DC and it was so much fun. Overwhelming, but fun. The place is HUGE! The furniture showroom was incredible - they must have had 75 nursery sets on the floor. Every name brand and some hard to find ones too. We have narrowed our furniture choices down to two and hope to order in the next two weeks. The salespeople were incredible. They were truly experts in their field. Looking at car seats and strollers was like shopping for a new car - the salespeople were that knowledgeable about the products. Getting close to making a decision there to - I am thinking stroller frame and either the Gra.co Snugride or Chi.cco Keyfit. After seeing the installation demo in store, I am leaning more towards the keyfit at this point. Gender neutral bedding is proving to be difficult and I have a possibility in mind, but want to go look at fabric as well. We are going to register right after our big u/s in a few weeks!

My family has booked my shower for October 25th and it feels like that is going to be here before we know it! I feel like time is flying by now that I am in the 2nd tri and there is so much to do to get ready for this little one's arrival. I can't wait to start pulling it all together!

I am officially 16w4d pregnant and here is a recent rundown.

How am I feeling? Still vomiting. It is less frequent - only once a week or so now, but I wish it would stop for good. I feel like I have more energy, but can still sleep like a champ. I am finally off progesterone and estr.ace and am having massive mood swings. I am not sure if it has anything to do with being off the meds, or if it is just pregnancy, but it has hit me hard. I have been pretty even keeled up until the past few days and now my hormones are all over the place. Mad, sad, angry, happy, giddy...all in the span of a few minutes. Poor Sean!

How do I look? Pregnant. Perhaps I will post a belly pic in coming weeks. My family was surprised how much my belly had changed since Memorial day weekend. I don't feel like my body is changing anywhere else - just a round belly and bigger boobs.

Milestones? I *think* I may have felt movement a few days ago, but I cannot be sure. I was sound asleep and had been laying on my right side for about 6 hours straight. I was just stirring because I had to pee and roll over. As a rolled over to my left side, it felt like something did a huge somersault in my belly. My eyes flew wide open and my hand went right to my belly. I have never felt anything like it, but I haven't felt it since either, so I am really not sure. I am anxious to feel movement more frequently though!

What is Ralphie up to? Growing so big and strong! He or she is the size of an avocado - far cry from my little poppy seed - and weighs almost 4oz. He or she is urinating, has taste buds, is hiccuping, may be sucking its thumb and moving like crazy.

What am I craving? Potbelly Italian Sandwiches - YUM! Subway Veggie Subs.

Aversions? Chicken

What do I miss? Wine. A perfectly chilled glass of white wine on a hot summer's night. A rich pinot noir with a steak fresh off the grill.

What am I looking forward to? More movement, registering, ordering the furniture, and starting the nursery.

Weight gain? Officially, just 1lb. That is according to my OBs scale, but I did not have my first appt with them until 8w and between 4-8w I gained 3-4 lbs. So, unofficially, I am up closer to 5lbs, both me and my OB are fine with it.

What am I reading? What to Expect..., Your Preg. Week by Week, Bab.y Bargains, and Ina May's Guide to Chi.ldbirth.

Speaking of Ina May's book, although I like my OB practice, I am planning on touring a birthing center in the next few weeks. I have always wanted to experience natural childbirth and based on a few of the docs comments, I am not sure how supportive they would be. Additionally, Sean is concerned about how far my OB and the hospital is - almost in hour in no traffic and good weather. The birthing center and the hospital they are affiliated with are only 15 minutes away. I am planning a more detailed post on this topic in the future.

I think that wraps things up - sorry so long, this what happens when it has been 3 weeks since I last updated! Oh! One last thing, please stop by Meinsideout's blog and wish her HUGE congratulations! She is one of the biggest cheerleaders in the blogosphere and she has good news to share. She could also use thoughts, prayers and good vibes that this is her sticky miracle.

Finally, a new post!

I have probably sat down to write some version of this post 5 different times, but something always gets in the way. I have been tired (oh, so tired) and busy, but I am just up from a nap and find myself with a few hours before work. Heck, I even managed to make dinner tonight - it has been a very good day!

First, I want to wish every one of my readers a Happy Mother's Day. I know it is a tough day for many of us and for many different reasons. As Jill said in her latest post, I feel each one of us is already a mother in our hearts. Why else would we go through hell and back to have a child? So whether you are already a mom, a mommy-to-be, mommy to an angel, or a mother in your heart I wish you many blessings today. May all your dreams come true!

My "first" Mother's Day as a mom-t0-be was nice, but busy. I received many sweet cards from family and friends and my mom sent me a gift card to Mothe.rhood Maternity (just in time, might I add!). Sean bought me a sweet card and wrote notes from him, Libby and the baby. It was very sweet. I had to work for a few hours in the morning and then we went to a cookout at my aunt and uncle's house. I missed my Mom a lot today and wished we had planned a trip to Buff.alo to see everyone. It was a day filled with many different emotions - awe, fear, disbelief, love and hope. I can't believe I am finally pregnant; there is another heart beating inside my body and a little baby growing big & strong everyday. It is pretty awe inspiring!

Sean continues to pamper me - cooking, cleaning, laundry, waiting on me hand & foot. He really impressed me yesterday by assembling some pretty spectacular fruit, veggie and cheese platters for Mother's Day. He is so protective and I love it. Every night he gives me a belly rub with Burt's Bees Mama Bee Belly Butter and talks to the baby. It is the sweetest thing.

Some of you have asked why we are calling the baby Ralphie and/or Baby Saucy. My stepfather named the baby Ralphie within a day of finding out I was pregnant. I have no idea why, but it could be the Christmas due date/A Christmas Story connection. It has kind of stuck, especially for my family. Saucy is Sean's nickname. He is a redhead and a few years back a coworker from South America started calling him Saucy because in his country they call redheads "Sauceheads". To say that stuck would be an understatement, in some circles, he is exclusively known as Saucy or Sauce. I would love, love, love a little redheaded baby!

I am 7w4d today and here is a weekly summary:

How am I feeling? Tired and a strong sense of "ICK". Not really nauseous, but a very unsettled tummy. Oh the bloat!! None of my pants button and if it wasn't for the belly band, I would be a miserable momma. Hair & nails growing, growing, growing!!

Milestone of the week: Far & away - seeing the baby's heartbeat (although technically that was 6w5). I have my 1st OB appt this Friday and hoping to sneak another peek!

What is the baby up to? He or she is the size of a blueberry and growing fast. He/she is busy growing arms & legs. Pigment has developed in the eyes and the baby already has an appendix and a pancreas. He or she is 10,000 times larger than the day of conception.

What am I craving? Not too much - waffles sounded really good today. Most things sound good, but I change my mind a few bites in.

Aversions? Applesauce, gum and seafood.

Weight gain: +2lbs

Discovery of the week: Baby Bargains Book 8th edition. A mommy friend sent it to me last week and I big, puffy heart LOVE it! I am easily overwhelmed by large purchases and this book breaks it all down. I can't wait to start shopping - c'mon 2nd tri!

What do I miss? My sex drive and red wine *sigh*

Quote of the week: Sean upon observing the nighttime bloat, "Oh my God! You are gonna be HUGE!!!" LOL! Thanks, babe! ;)

FET Madness - Day 12

Nothing really new to report in FET-ville. On Saturday, I ramped up the Estrace to 3x per day & will stay at this dosage until my u/s on Wednesday morning. Feeling pretty normal, the night sweats have been rare and the Estrace has not zapped my se.x drive like it did during the mock. Ah, well the Endometrium suppositories will surely take care of that!

We ended up heading to Buffalo this past weekend to spend some time with the family before Donna's surgery. It was nice to see everyone and catch up. It was a lot of driving and a lot of visiting in 48 hours & I am pooped! I was so ready to head home yesterday. Sean said he was sick of talking and I agreed, but we still managed to find plenty to chat about on the 7 hour drive home.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers about my sister-in-law's surgery. Keep 'em coming! Her surgery tomorrow is early in the afternoon and will last a few hours. Our prayer right now is that they do not need to take out the entire colon and that the mass is benign. Even if those things are true, it is still a difficult surgery and she faces a lengthy recovery.

As for me, I am still full of hope. Probably more so than at any other time since our first IVF. I have been blessed by many wonderful friendships on this journey and two of those women were my angels this cycle. Jill & Christi both sent me meds for my FET. Seeing has how they are both happy & healthy pregnant women (Christi - expecting a girl in July!!! Jill - expecting twin boys shortly thereafter!!!), I am hoping some of their pregnancy mojo rubs off on me! Thank you ladies, your friendships mean the world to me and the meds were a generous gift! I hope to pay it forward someday (SOON)!

Hoping for a great lining check on Wednesday and looking forward to transfer (hopefully) at the end of the week/early next week. I am a little nervous about the thaw - how many will make it? Will the survivors thrive? Will we get any to our goal of blasts? Will they make it to transfer? How many? Trying to not focus too much on those things right now and just take it one day at a time.

Feel free to share your FET stories when you comment & please stop by Sprogblogger's blog and wish her a giant congratulations - a SURPRISE BFP while waiting for her FET! She is now the stuff of Internet legends - mosey on over and read her amazing story!! I do hope she bought a lottery ticket...

FET Madness Day 5

Nothing too crazy going on. 4 doses of Estrace down and I was not having any side effects until last night when I woke up soaked to the bone. Ahhh...night sweats. Lovely.

We had a delightful weekend - fun, friends, food and relaxing. I maxed out on caffeine, spl.enda, red wine, sodium and nitrates. I probably gained 5lbs! I am back on the straight and narrow and off all the bad stuff - I am 5 days pregnant after all and wouldn't want to harm the frosties! Still my goal to be down 20lbs before transfer, so I've got some work to do.

The kids I tutor for are done with Spring Break, so it is back to regularly scheduled programming for me. I was really loving being home in the evenings with Sean - it is such a foreign concept to us. He has always worked super long days and would rarely get home before 9:30 and I usually tutor until around 9 myself. With spring break and Sean's new work schedule, we were beside ourselves! Oh well, only 3 more months of school and then on to summer schedule tutoring.

We are likely heading to Buffalo this weekend. Sean's oldest sister is having half of her colon removed on the 31st and the whole family is pretty stressed and nervous. We would like to spend some quality time with everyone before the surgery. We are praying for a good outcome and a speedy recovery for her!

Trying to focus on all positive things right now! I am so happy Spring is here and am anxiously awaiting warmer weather, flip flops and capris! The next month should fly by - we have a lot going on - Buffalo, transfer, family visiting for Easter, hopefully a BFP... (a girl can dream, can't she?)

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!

The Luck O' The Irish

What a week! I am still in awe over how everything came together. Join me for a recap?

Monday night Sean & I decided that if that tax return did not arrive before full flow, we were going to wait until next month. I felt mostly at peace with that decision, but I think we were both holding out hope that the tax return would surprise us.

Tuesday was St. Patrick's Day, a high holy day in our household, and I called my in-laws to wish them well and double check my corned beef & cabbage and champ recipes. Rita was asking me if we had started our FET yet & I explained the whole situation. She then floored me by offering to lend us the money! She said we had waited long enough and that she knew we were sick & tired of the entire process and said that she would love to help us. I graciously thanked her and said I would discuss it with Sean. He was shocked. With 5 kids and 11 grandchildren, Sean's parents have kind of made it their rule not to lend money or be overly generous as it is hard to do for one and not do for all and they just aren't in a position to "do for all." They are amazing, kind, caring people and they would do anything for any of us, they just aren't financially secure enough to subsidize all of us, not should they. Needless to say, you could have knocked us over with a feather.

After discussing it, Sean decided he would like to take his parents up on their offer, but we weren't sure if they knew how much we needed or if they could cover it. Sean called them on Wednesday morning and they were indeed shocked by the amount and said they couldn't swing the whole thing, but would give us what they could. We graciously thanked them, but said we would just proceed with the original plan to wait it out. Again, we were disappointed, but not devastated and still holding out for the tax return. Full flow had held off too, so maybe it would all work out.

Sean's Dad called him back a few hours later to tell him that after checking into things, he found a CD that they had squirreled away some money into awhile go. Amazingly, the CD was going to be expiring in just 2 days, March 20, 2009, and he had to make a decision about what to do with it by the end of the week. It just happened to be EXACTLY the amount we needed and they wanted to extend their offer once again! We were excited, but we knew it could take a few days to transfer funds, we didn't know how much longer full flow would hold out and we had no idea if our clinic would allow us a few days of leeway.

I called my nurse ASAP and explained and she said that she was fine with us starting Estrace and paying later, but ultimately, the billing office had the final say. The billing office and I played phone tag all day Weds and we never caught up. I remained cautiously optimistic. Miraculously, no full flow yet!

First thing yesterday, I spoke to the billing office and explained everything to them and they agreed to let me begin my Estrace on CD 1 and pay them when ever my in laws were able to access the funds. They said they were really rooting for us and really wanted to extend the favor and were happy to do it. I was over the moon! She transferred me back to the nurse, I received all my instructions and she reminded me to call back with full flow to make it official.

I hopped in the shower and when I got out, full flow had arrived! I called the nurse back and she had me come right in for blood work to recheck my prolactin and pick up me FET calendar. None of us could believe how well everything was working out!

So, it's official - FET #1 is under way! I started Estrace last night, my lining check is scheduled for April 1st and the clinic told me to keep the first week of April clear for transfer. I can't believe it all worked out!

Turns out my in-laws were given cash so Sean was able to pay the clinic in full today. I was nearly in tears when I called my mother-in-law to thank her for the 100th time. She is so happy and proud to have done it. Turns out, she was saving it to give to the funeral home to prepay on her funeral! She said this is a much nicer way to use the money and hopes it turns out to bring life instead of pay for death. We will pay them back ASAP, so she will have her funeral money after all, but she said she'd rather spend it on the baby :)

I find myself so damn full of hope again. What the hell happened to me? I think watching this cycle fall into place the way it did, got me all emotional and thinking about how this could be "meant to be" this time. I know, I know, I am getting wayyyyyyy ahead of myself here!

Speaking of way ahead of myself, I was early for our movie date last night, so I was browsing the pregnancy/infant aisle of the book store. I even sneaked a peek at a baby name book. I even announced to Sean that I was officially "one day pregnant". I am OUT OF CONTROL, but it is so fun and liberating and it feels so damn good to hope...

2 days pregnant and counting!