Thursday, May 15, 2008

Crawling In My Skin

13dp3dt and I am starting to go a bit mad. This is the worst part of the wait for me. My Beta is Monday and I think I may crawl out of my skin before that. I have little, to no, expectation for a BFP, but there is that part of me that is hoping like hell that I am pregnant.


I feel really "normal", as normal as you can feel during IVF. I feel like my boobs are less sore everyday and I am little crampy, but just the standard IVF 2ww stuff. On Tuesday, I was sure my period was moments away from arriving and so far she hasn't arrived. Last cycle, she arrived late in the night on the 15th day (that would be Saturday). Twice this week, I have woken up really early with terrible stomach pain and nausea. I get up, limp to the bathroom with my mouth all "salivay", sure I am going to puke and pass out all at the same time and then it is gone as quickly as it came. It is strange and I really doubt it has anything to do with a potential pregnancy.



I can't get out of my own head right now. I am second guessing and over analyzing everything. The TP inspections are in full force and Sean doesn't understand why I put myself through all this scrutiny, but he doesn't understand that I can't help it.


I can't figure out if my gut is telling me that this did not work or if my protective mechanisms are kicking in for self-preservation reasons. When I read my post from this same time last cycle, I feel like a different person. Then, I was 100% sure I was PG, this time, I am 95% sure I am not.

I think we may test on Saturday, but I am terrified of seeing ANOTHER snow white HPT.

8 comments:

Jill said...

I was just about to e-mail you to find out how you were doing! Your wait is BRUTAL. :( Don't count yourself out yet! I was SURE that our first IVF had worked, and convinced that our 2nd did not! GOOD LUCK, SWEETIE!

Pink-CJ said...

I totally understand!! I almost didn't test either, but I caved in. I know its hard, but try to be positive. I wasn't sure if I was, but it turned out to be positive and I got my Beta today! Good luck. Will be praying for you BFP!!

Jill said...

Hugs from your fellow 2ww sister. Hope your instincts are wrong and that those 2 embabies are hanging in there!

Jen said...

I hope the embies are all settled in, and that if you do decide to test, you get to big fat dark lines!

M. said...

I'll totally pray for a BFP for you on Monday :) Fingers and toes crossed!!!

Maria (MKC101103) said...

I'm praying for a BFP for you! It would be nice for you to test when your DH can be around -- to celebrate with you!!

Good luck sweetheart!

Christi said...

I hope you are wrong!! hang in there, you are almost there!!

Christi said...
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