Monday, November 17, 2008

Fert Report

9 out of 11 were mature and 5 fertilized with ICSI and are growing and dividing normally.

There is no way to hide it, I am very disappointed. I have always had 95% fertilization reports before so 60% is a big drop for me. It makes me question my protocol all over again.

It also makes me doubtful for a 5 day transfer. I had 7 embryos with IVF #2 and they all made it to my 3 day transfer, but the remaining 5 arrested before making it to blastocyst. They will have a better idea tomorrow, but I am going to be a WRECK...

My nurse was very positive and said they are very happy with my numbers - anything over 50% is great, apparently. Too bad everything I have ever heard suggests fertilization rates with ICSI are typically 70-80%. She wasn't too helpful, so I called the lab directly and asked to speak to an embryologist and was told they "do not speak to patients. call your nurse."

Sean doesn't think getting answers right now is necessary. His theory is that it really doesn't matter - we can't change anything now anyway. "Knowing" isn't going to give us a different outcome. He thinks we just focus on what we do have, write down our questions and concerns and if this cycle fails, then we can voice all questions and concerns. He is right, I guess.

We did get some good news. It seems that Sean's varicocele repair and vitamins are making a difference. The biggest jump came in his motility. He began with 35% motility and it was 70% yesterday!!! His post wash numbers have always been less than a million and he had over 2 million yesterday. His count is still extremely low, but it is on the rise! This was the earliest possible time to start seeing improvement and we are, so I am happy. He could continue to see changes for a year.

Sean 's vitamin regimen is Conception XR and 200mg of CO Q 10 per our RE's instructions.

I know I have reason to be optimistic and I am, but I am also disappointed. It may all turn out to be undue worry and stress and we could very well have beautiful blasts to work with, but it is day by day, hour by hour right now. Even if we go on day 3 again, I know I still have reason to hope!

I think part of what is going on is that by switching clinics, I put unrealistic expectations on them. I expected everything to be perfect - better than any cycle we have done before and that is not fair. Every cycle is different. I have to remember that they have a state-of-the-art (no pun intended) lab and this is where the magic happens. I know that we are still going to employ assisted hatching and that we do have a chance to get to blast. I know I am already better off because the huge polyp is gone from my uterus. I have to trust that we are in good hands and that even messy cycles lead to beautiful results.

Thank you for all your support!


poppy.f.seed said...

sorry you didn't have more fertilized, I know that is hard. That said, so many people get pregnant with just one or two fertilized, so I will be hoping all goes well with you!

Maria (MKC101103) said...

I know just how you're feeling right now. Repeat as often as needed:

It only takes one.
It only takes one.
It only takes one.
It only takes one.
It only takes one.
It only takes one.
It only takes one.

Lisa said...

Wow, Em, this all sounds so familiar - less than stellar fertilization, great expectations of a new clinic, etc.... I am sending you every positive vibe I have that you end up with a different result than I did. You have 150% more embryos than I had, so, I'm going to think the odds are good!

bb said...

Sorry that the fert report did not turn out as well as you would like. But it IS still good and as the other ladies have said, it only takes one or two. I am saying a prayer for you and your embies right now!

Leah said...

Wow...Good news on the sperm report!

The fert report may not be as good as you wanted but those numbers are still great. It really only does take one....

Clio said...

Be hopeful!!
you have five beautiful ones that fertilized and are growing.And will keep like that.
Don't drive yourself insane comparing this cycle to your other ones. What if what you perceive as aparently negative, is just what makes this cycle have a different result from the other ones? So that this is the one that works?
Good luck and blessings.

SMK said...

I hate how much pressure we put on ourselves for the fertilization report and how much of a letdown it becomes when it is not what we expected. Been there several times... Just have hope and faith. I am sorry to hear more didn't fertilize but think good thoughts and as most people have said it only takes one! I am keeping you in my thoughts... thinking only good thoughts! ;)

Anonymous said...

Hey there. I know the feeling of disappointment - especially when previous cycles were so much more, um, productive.

I'll second Maria's comment up there, & use it for my own mantra, too.

It only takes one.
It only takes one.
It only takes one.

Hang in there.

Virginia said...

five eggs is great! You have five good on their way ! You have more than you need for ET! You are sitting pretty! I am very happy for you. You need to hold your head high! I am very pleased with this update and hope you can turn your frown upside down.

M. said...

Doubled sperm count is fantastic!! I'm sorry you didn't have a better fert report. I think you're totally justified to be disappointed.... I wish I had something wise to say, but I know that you guys will find the bright side in all of this. And I'm praying it will be your own little one :)

Lisa said...

Hey girl - I know exactly how you feel - we have male factor and we only had 4 out of 9 fertilize last time - and only 1 out of 3 the first time. I did get pregnant with both even though they did not last - it could so work for you. I will tell you what I was told - it is quality not quantity and it only takes one!! Also, with male factor I was told that the regular fert rate is much lower - somewhere between 40 and 60 at the very highest. My email is if you want to chat more.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry you didn't have a few more fertilize. I know the feeling of wanting the highest numbers you can get. It's so hard to hold into hope with smaller numbers.

But, truly, it only takes one. And five chances is still pretty good. Perhaps the lab will be the key and help them grow good and strong and may surprise you.

I'll be hoping for a great day 3 report. And I'll say a prayer that they all hold on strong and GROW GROW GROW!!

Try to focus on the good, I know it's hard. But hold out hope for those little guys. They will be coming home to you soon.

Leslie Laine said...

Hey Girl - I've been thinking about you and wondering how things are going. I think it sounds like you all have had a lot of great news!!! I know it's hard not to compare cycles, but maybe you need to focus on where you are at this moment instead of thinking backward. Your baby is probably sitting there in the lab right now awaiting the warmth of your uterus.

Stay positive - this is going to work!!!

Praying for you all!

Jill said...

I hope you are feeling better, Em. You could have 5 rockstars in the making. Hope they all continue to grow and divide. Saying lots of prayers and giving you big hugs from here.

RMCarter said...

I can understand that the minute something is less than perfect, all those fears and doubts can come rushing back. :(

I am sorry you are disappointed but, one thing I have learned from others in this process is that even the most seemingly hopeless cycles can yield perfect results.

And you have every reason to hope! I am hoping for you!

Lost in Space said...

I'm sorry you are disappointed, but hope that every one of your 5 are fighters. I'm sending lots of grow strong, embryo thoughts your way!!

Hugs to you. I know how stressful this part can be.

Lisa said...

Hi E - just wanted to drop off some ((HUGS)) this morning!

bunny said...

hang in there. i know it is disappointing. we have so many expectations tied up in each cycle. it definitely throws me each time the plan veers in an unanticipated direction. i'll be thinking of you and hoping all goes well.