Sunday, November 30, 2008

Paralyzed

So here I sit 11dp3dt, pregnant or not, and I cannot decide if/when I want to know. I have not tested since Thursday.

I have never been so paralyzed in my life.

I can't stop thinking about it. Am I? Aren't I? The best news of our lives? Or another broken heart?

Sean & my mom both say they can't take the pain of seeing me so devastated. Maybe that is adding to my anxiety level?

I feel normal. I feel hopeful. I feel dreadful. I am scared. I am excited. I want to know more than anything. It is the last news I want to hear. I am anxious. I am obsessed.

Can I make it 3 and a half more days? Should I put myself out of my misery today?

It could all be over, for better or worse inside an hour... Don't know if I can do it.

Are you ever ready for the news that changes your life?

9 comments:

Lisa said...

I hate the 2ww. I am so sorry that you are in its grips...thinking of you.

sweetpeanme said...

Take heart, friend...you are pregnant until proven otherwise. I know the wait is agony...sayin' a lil prayer for you!

Jill said...

Thinking of you. Big hugs, Em.

Lisa said...

Hang in there hon, it won't be long now. I know the fear and hope you are feeling and how you must be obsessing over every little feeling and lack of feeling. I'm thinking of you and hoping and praying that this is your time. xo

Erin said...

Finding your blog for the first time... hoping that you can stay strong and that GREAT NEWS awaits you in the coming days.

I'll be checking in!

Erin :)

April said...

arg! i hate waiting.

you are doing great, though!

hugs!

RMCarter said...

I am so impressed by your strength. I am praying for you, as are many others.

sprogblogger said...

You're in my thoughts. Hang in there.

bb said...

Oh man, so sorry the 2ww is so terrible. I am thinking positive for you!! You really are doing better than I think I would be doing. So hang in there, we are all wishing, hoping and praying for you!!!